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Ask Dr Rossi Your Own Question
Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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I still love my exboyfriend and realize that I still miss him.

Customer Question

I still love my exboyfriend and realize that I still miss him. What should I do? my new boyfriend gives me security financially and is supportive I am a single mother and I am going to lose my house. I love him but I dont feel completely validated by him when it comes to my feelings. I cant talk to him about anything negative with our relationship because he will say it takes too much energy and ignores my attempts to talk with him face to face. He wont answer my messages when I bring up my hurt feelings. He loves me and does so much for me and my sons. My feelings go discounted by him sometimes and it makes me feel bad. I actually met my ex boyfriend last night at a concert and kissed him. I do miss him and the deep connection we have or had that was effortless. I get scared with him because he is older and struggles financially. I think of the future with him and worry I will end up with an old man that I will have to support. I know it sounds terrible to feel this way, but I am tired of working so hard as a single mother. Please help with advice.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 7 years ago.

Hi there,


Not sure if you were replying to another expert or if this was your initial question.

If it is your initial question, would you clarify (how do you miss your boyfriend- did you leave him and are dating someone else now?)


If you are replying to another expert, make sure you write for ______and then their name

Customer: replied 7 years ago.

Hello Dr. Rossi, I have not received a reply until now.

yes, I did break it off with my boyfriend that I miss, because he did not ever tell me that he loved me while we were together almost 2 years. I loved him unconditionaly and was afraid to lose him if I spoke up. He finally told me he loved me when I got tired of hoping and waiting. Part of the reason for our break up is that I did not share with him how discouraged and disapointed I really was.

I met my current boyfriend during my break up time and have been confused for one year now. My boyfriend now has grown so impatient with me with my confusion. When he hurts my feelings he does not want to hear about it. He says that i am overreacting and that I am only hurting myself. He wont respond to my calls when i express any negative feelings and avoids me, he says he does not have the energy for it. I told him that it is healthy to argue, but he doesnt like to talk about bad feelings. We do have fun together but I am realizing now that we dont connect deeply or spiritually; however, my life is easier with him financially.

Two months ago I decided the "back and forth" feelings with my confusion had to end and I decided to be single. That was a disaster because I spent almost two weeks with anxiety attacks and uncontrollable crying. I get so scared of being alone and afraid I will feel anxiety like I felt during that time. the anxiety was terrible and I couldnt stand it, not one second.

the truth is I still love my ex boyfriend and there are times when I miss him very much. I miss how we connected so effortlessly we could talk for hours. I miss talking to him and sharing our thoughts and feelings that we, at the end of our relationship, began to learn to share. I was just so hurt by him that I couldnt be with him very long without feeling anger and resentment. The "con" that I am facing is that I am also tired of struggling financially with my two sons and knowing that my ex boyfriend struggles adds so much stress to my life. I wish i did not think that way about it, but it makes me fearful of my future with my ex boyfriend. Even though I know he and I would be great and broke together. He is also 12 years older than me and although he takes good care of himself it worries me

Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 7 years ago.

Thank you for clarifying. It sounds like the two men have at least one thing in common (not being able to express their feelings and/or to listen to yours)


That may be something to look into (if you think there is a pattern of being attracted to the similar sort of men)


It may be also possible that since you are not happy in the current relationship, you're thinking about your ex (which, does not mean that you would be happier once back together if that is what you do)


As far as the financial issue, you may want to think of how to be able to leave this relationship that makes you upset. Make some short term goals (and explore what options there may be to leave)


Neither man will change unless they want to. You may find yourself hoping for something to happen and remain stuck. It would have to be you to take the action and make a decision - whatever it is. You had invested time in both relationships.