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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1768
Experience:  PHD LPC
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I was a happily married woman but in the last year or so my

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I was a happily married woman but in the last year or so my husband who is 20 yrs my senior( I am 45 ) has been acting what I would call "perverted". We always had a good sex life and we have a eight year old son, but my husband seems to want me to be a "bad ass" as he puts it with sex. I seem to be responsible for keeping the sex life alive. He in th elast year has wanted me to be with one of my friends who is a lesbian. She has been a lifwelong friend and I am no more a lesbian then Bridgette Bardo was but he keeps insisting that I think of her as a "toy" and forget that I am not gay or that I do not in any way shape or form want to do this. Let me make one thing clear, he has not requested watching but would like to listen as he puts it and then have me talk about it w/ him afterward. He also now is encouraging me to go up the street to visit a local merchant that my husband thinks is attracted to me and he wants me to flirt and report back to him. I have really had it & would give anything for my husbands penis to fall off! I don't understand that after 10yrs together why I am suddenly not enough. Is this some crisis he is in. He was never into anything like this beore, infact he was always very conservative. He swears he is not having a affair and I am able to track his whereabouts and he is always where he says he is. I am so confused and very fearful that if I do not eventually comply to his requests that he will go out & find someone who will. He won't do counseling, thinks that makes things worse. Thank you, Teresa
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 7 years ago.

Hi, I am sorry that your are in this situation with your husband. If this behavior is relatively new and he hasn't requested this type of "play"before then you need to address it with him. I would suggest a complete physical and mental examination for him (I know he won't go to psychiatrist) to rule out any organic or mental conditions. Then I would suggest you find out what he is doing (if anything) on the computer. He could possibly be scouring pornography sites and it may be a turn on for him. If so, he may believe that your participation in these behaviors would help him be more sexually turned on, It may not be that you aren't enough for him, it could be his newly discovered "turn on's".It may be a crisis in terms of his aging and this may seem like a way to boost his sex drive. If you are not comfortable complying to his requests you don't have to do it, don't be bullied or pressured into doing something you don't want to do or that goes against your beliefs. I would also suggest that if he won't go to therapy you go alone so that you can figure out a way to respond and take care of you.

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