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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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Im 44, shes 61 (17 yr diff) weve been dating for 1 yr and

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I'm 44, she's 61 (17 yr diff) we've been dating for 1 yr and n love. Can we have a future together?
We see each other every weekend and sometimes during week. Neither has or wants children. She works long hrs in her own business. We live 25 minutes apart. We have discussed her retirement about 6 yrs from now. Says she would move and asks how much longer would I work. The retirement thing and how it could be handled if I continued to work is a big question in our relationship. How do couples of age diff handle this situation? Am I wasting my time or is Love blind?

Good Morning,

 

The two of you can have a future if it is based on love and not what society or others think about the relationship. You and her will have to really figure out what the "future" will look like (you've already decided not to have children) As long as you have things in common and care about one another, then yes, you can have a good relationship. Love should not be blind. As far as wasting your time (it would depend on what you want out of the relationship and what compromises or sacrifices the two of you are willing to make) It may be wiser to give it another year and see how things develop. Couple's of different age do not really handle it any more differently than others (there are many scenarios where the male is older) How things are handled is what the two partners decide to work on and make it happen.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Sounds Good compromises and sacrifices. She mentioned briefly she couldn't live with someone or be married again. Lets say another year or more from now I would like to be with her more and would like to move in together. What am I to do? Her two cats keep her company at nite, do they possibly take the place of a male companion? Deep inside I'm hoping she will change her mind about living together. I would love to be with her forever but don't know what to think about future. "And I don't want to loose her telling her I would love to live together one day." what to do?

It has to go both ways (if she can not be flexible) then you making a sacrifice won't work. The cats do not and should not take a place of a male companion/lover/partner.

You may just want to see if she changes with time (you decide how long you want to give her) You can only live in the present moment. Projecting yourself into the future is not helpful nor it offers any guarantees of how the future would turn out to be.

 

She may be trying to figure out things herself (she should not also say she can't live with someone- it has to do with what she wants to do versus can't) Because technically she is capable of living with someone (you) The question is does she want to?

 

Unless you are allergic to cats, there ought not to be a problem. Cats are pets and a you are her partner.

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