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Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience:  Extensive experience fostering family relationships through consultation / counseling.
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I just ended a relationship with a guy who is an intellectual

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I just ended a relationship with a guy who is an intellectual (A level maths teacher at a good school). He did not give me an answer as to why he did not want to see me anymore. I know it was because I disclosed to him that I am from a village, rural area. Since then he did not want to bother me or have the desire to reciprocate with me. I know I am from a humble family and I struggle to study until tertiary studies. And now I am a qualified accountant at the age of 37. When I first know him, I am so happy that I met a right guy in my life, but after 1.5 years, he lost interest on me. He is a city bred, Master degree holder, have been travelling most of the countries in the world since he was graduated in 1997. Whereas for me, I have mental illness 2 years after I graduated from ACCA studies. I have been struggling for about 10 years before I can actually get my ACCA qualified accountant title. I live with salary of less than 1500 per month for about 8 years. and now is better pay. We are from 2 different world. He is healthy and earns 15K per month.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jennifer replied 7 years ago.
Hello and thanks for using!

I'd like to help. What specifically is your question?
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
How to handle a disappointed relationship ? I always have this problem throughout my 37 years life. This was my third or fourth time in my life. Any possible to have happy relationship ?
Expert:  Jennifer replied 7 years ago.
You can certainly have a happy relationship -- Perhaps just not with this man. It sounds like he's not the man you'd want in your life anyway if you're feeling in any way less important than he is (which is not true, of course). Don't judge yourself based upon what someone else has accomplished. The chemistry you may feel for someone and what they feel for you could easily happen without any regard for the lives the two of you have had to date. It may make for an easier connection if you have similar goals and priorities in life, but the experiences you've had so far will only shape who you are and add to what you've learned in life. They don't determine the kind of person you can or can't have a relationship with.

With that said, perhaps it's time to start thinking about the kind of men you find yourself dating? Is there a pattern? Is it time to try a different "type?" Think about the kind of men you're interested in meeting and where you might meet them.

You may also want to devote some time to personal growth -- good self-esteem is a very attractive quality!
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
I have some male friends here. But I think they are not suitable for me. They are either has mild autism symptom yet still showing interest on me and I can see how struggle he is. Another guy like me has mental illness but he needs counselling support rather than look for me for his support. He is low-educated and works as baker. He has different path of life. Whereas for me, I just qualified as accountant, for the next 5 years I will be concentrating in developing my professional skill by attending workshops and courses. Of course I have also ambition to travel some countries like that guy who disappointed me.
Expert:  Jennifer replied 7 years ago.
I just realized I only answered one part of your question...

As to moving on from a relationship that didn't work the way you'd hoped, you could certainly spend some time thinking about what went well and what didn't. Think if it as a learning experience -- What did you like that you hope to find in future relationships? What did you find you DON'T want in the future? If you keep a journal, this is a good place to do that kind of reflection and may help you to see the relationship as something that wasn't meant to be after all.

Focusing on you for a while will also help you to move past the heartache... There's something very healing about becoming a newer, better version of you. This could be done by taking a class, making sure you're taking care of yourself (nutrition, exercise, rest), joining a recreational group (hobby, sports, etc.) or even volunteering in the community to broaden your horizons and help others. You'll meet many new people by putting yourself out there in this way. Even if none of them are the kind of person you'd like to date, you may find that someone you meet has a brother, neighbor, or friend they'd like you to meet.

Moving on after a failed relationship is difficult and often just takes time. The suggestions I gave will hopefully speed the process up for you and help you to come through the experience feeling better about yourself and the direction you're going. It sounds like you'll soon have ample opportunities to meet other professionals through the workshops and courses you've mentioned. That's great!
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