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Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience:  Extensive experience fostering family relationships through consultation / counseling.
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Ive been dating my girlfriend for a year and two months with

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I've been dating my girlfriend for a year and two months with a 6 month break after the first year. We are both 37 and she wants to start a family soon. I like her and find her atractive but I don't feel sexually atracted to her. We have good sex but I just feel so unsatisfied and thinking about other women all the time. I don't want to make her waste her time and I don't know if I should just end the relationship.


Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jennifer replied 7 years ago.
Hello and thanks for using!

Have you always felt this way or is the sexual attraction something that has diminished over time?
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
I've felt like that since the biggining
Expert:  Jennifer replied 7 years ago.
I'm sorry to hear that. You could try to spice things up to see if the variety changes this for you -- doesn't have to be anything out of your comfort zone, of course. Special date nights, a spontaneous weekend away, shopping for lingerie together, etc. may help you to see her in a different light.

With that said, sexual attraction is one of those things that is usually either there or not there. You can help to foster it if things become stagnant over time (very common), but if it's NEVER been there it may be more difficult to try to develop. Realistically, I'd hate for you to try to force yourself to feel attracted and it's actually very considerate of you to think that this relationship may be headed in the wrong direction -- particularly if her feelings for you are obviously not the same as what you're feeling for her. Have you discussed this problem at all with her? It's a very sensitive topic, so you'd need to careful not to hurt her self-esteem in the process. Perhaps talking about how you're worried about the lack of passion in the relationship may be a better way to address the problem. You both deserve to feel that -- particularly if you're talking about making a long-term commitment with someone.
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