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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience:  n/a
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Ok this is long so I will try to make is a short as I can. I

Customer Question

Ok this is long so I will try to make is a short as I can.
I am a female 43 years old, divorced, 2 kids.
I'm seeing a guy that I have known for 25 years, we aren't "dateing" but we talk and email everyday, and spend weekends together when we can. We were great friends while in college, in fact he and my exhusband were roommates for a couple of years in college. We all spent a lot of time together, double dated, and just hung out as friends. After college, I got married, and he finished school, and took a job that required him to move. Well, we all lost contact with each other over the years, and it's been about 17 years since we've seen each other, until February 2010. That is when he found me on facebook. We started talking, and he asked if we could possible meet and get reaquanted. So we did, and we've seen each other several times since. It doesn't bother him that I have kids, and I decided that I don't want to tell my kids about him, or my ex about him for a while, and he is agreement with this. He is 42 never married, no kids. I need to know how to connect with him emotionally because he is a very private person, always was, so he doesn't open up emotionally. I try not to ask too many questions because i don't want to push him away. I'm trying to just remain his friend and hope that it becomes more. I just don't want to push him too much. I have told him how I feel about him, and how I felt about him when we were in college. He has a phd in business and his masters in in chemistry. He has a great job and really has his life together, but he just likes his space and doesnt mind being alone. So just give me some ideas on how I may possible get into his emotional side without scaring him away. thanks
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 7 years ago.
Hello my name is Angela.
I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion.

Based on what you have written, especially "he just likes his space and doesn't mind being alone" the best thing to do is to continue to develop your friendship with him without pushing the emotional bonding issue and as he chooses to share little glimpses of his emotional side with you, gently pursue it by asking a question to see if he will divulge more. If he doesn't divulge more, then back off and wait for the next time that he chooses to share something emotional with you and try again. Also, bear in mind, as you continue to develop your friendship with him, if he should fall in love with you, then that normally changes things in his emotional area because he would be in love with you and more willing to let you in emotionally. Therefore, continue to be patient with him and to develop your friendship with him.