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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience:  n/a
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For Angela What would you think about my wife - about whom

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For Angela:

What would you think about my wife - about whom I just talked to you - having a guy come into my house while I'm on a 3-week trip and take my computer and examine every file that I previously looked at for the last 4 years? She methodically planned this without sitting down to talk to me with a counselor or anyone else; Like I told you: we had looked together before for her sake. I'm 49 yrs. old and I believe she and her "daddy" (she's a spoiled brat) double-teamed me so he could get revenge on me from 20 yrs. ago when I took her out of the hard-core, bigoted, fascist USA fundamentalist movement, who are nothing but a bunch of Pastor Phelps-types (radical idiot in Kansas). Was this an act of justification for a divorce or was this just a really stupid thing to do on her part? I feel violated from the standpoint that my computer hard drive is kind of like a diary - - very private. It had more than just girlie stuff on there. It had lots of personal stuff on there I would never, ever allow anyone to see. Is she just so full of herself and ultra-insecure that I was looking at other women? In 49 yrs. of life I've looked at 1000x's more women offline than online, maybe not undressed, but my feeling is that telling me not to look at women dressed or undressed is being very judgmental and controlling by an insecure woman. My reason: it would make me very happy if she looked at all the guys she wanted to in order to get aroused and come play with me. I would not have a problem with this whatsoever!!! Over a 21 yr. marriage, she didn't really want to do sex with me that much. She worked a lot and didn't show the interest in sex I thought she should've (and it wasn't my fault, because I'm good at it!). Again, she is the woman I just talked to you about in my previous question. Thanks.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 7 years ago.
Hello my name is Angela.
I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion.

I don't think the act justifies a divorce but it was a stupid and disrespectful thing for her to do. I also think she has trust issues as well as being insecure due to her violating your privacy in that manner. Due to her having trust issues along with being insecure she chose to inappropriately act on her actions by violating your privacy when she chose to have your hard drive examined. The appropriate manner for her to deal with insecurity and trust issues would have been to sit down with you and honestly share her concerns with you so that the two of you could discuss them and work through her issues. Hopefully, the computer incident was the only privacy violation she committed, however, I suggest encouraging her to be honest with you about any concerns she may have so that you can both work through them together. Also, remember that women are emotional beings, therefore, when a woman feels emotionally close to her husband and appreciated, it usually can make it easier for her to desire to have sex with her husband. I am not suggesting that you don't appreciate her or that you are not close to her; I just wanted you to think about having sex with her from the perspective of women in general which would normally mean that she needs to feel emotionally close to you and appreciated by you.
Angela and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
very good answer and I appreciate your good words.
Expert:  Angela replied 7 years ago.

Thank you for allowing me to share with you and for your kind words.

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