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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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My son is in the middle of a divorce - he has two daughters

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My son is in the middle of a divorce - he has two daughters - one is fifteen, one is eighteen and attending California Poly. in San Louis, Obispo, California. His soon to be ex-wife is bi-polar, and was recently found, drunk in front of her apartment without under pants, she spent the next three days in the hospital. His younger daughter spends the majority of her time with him. The eldest daughter spends one night with him, one night with her mother, and the rest of the time with her boyfriend at his parents home. He also attends California Poly. I think my son should tell his daughter she needs to spend her nights in his home, and should tell the boyfriends’ parents that he does not think it is appropriate for his daughter to come to his house and spend the night with their son unless it is in separate bedrooms. Although, she is working, my son pays for her car, insurance, spending money, and all of her college. My son thinks because she is eighteen she can do what she wants. I believe because he is paying for everything he can set the rules. If she does not comply, then maybe she should think about community college. I believe he should tighten the boundaries. Marlene
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 7 years ago.

Good Morning,


Yes, he should set some boundaries even though she is 18. From what you've shared she is not very self sufficient.


The issue here is that he had let her do as she wants all of this time. It would be difficult to restart parenting of someone who is 18 and had not learned certain behaviors before then.


Of course, if he is financially supporting her, then she ought to at least have the courtesy of being appropriate in the home. This would be something that he and her would need to work on (involving her boyfriend and his parents can be secondary)


You've shared that you've already spoken to him. His reaction would depend on what he is willing to do. He may not want to be bothered with parenting issues with all of the other stuff going on. His behavior may be just adopting the path of least resistance. He may be doing more damage to this young lady in the long run though. She would need to learn respect, boundaries and responsibilities and self reliance.


Perhaps if you approach the situation from that stand point he can see your concern and logic behind it.

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