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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience:  n/a
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Im 25 and I recently moved in with my boyfriend whom I have

Resolved Question:

I'm 25 and I recently moved in with my boyfriend whom I have been with for over a year. My parents are very overprotective and disapproved of my move. I feel as if they are having a hard time letting go. Their way of showing this is by constantly negatively commenting on things that they feel my boyfriend has done wrong or say things like, "that's never what it was like back in our day." They are always trying to tell me what to do. As a result, we are constantly arguing. I have not spoken with them for over a week now. How should I handle this situation?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 7 years ago.
Hello my name is Angela.
I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion.

I suggest scheduling a time when you can talk to your parents and will not be disturbed. During this time (in your own words) tell your parents how much you love them and care about them. Tell them that you understand t they don't approve of your boyfriend, however, he is a part of your life and you need them to respect that as well as respecting your choice to be with him. Tell them that you no longer want your relationship with your parents to be effected negatively due to their disapproval of your boyfriend and ask them if they will agree to focus on your relationship with them instead of focusing on your boyfriend. Let them know that you appreciate how they try to protect you and to look out for you, but you are an adult and you need for them to respect this and to respect your decisions and continue to discuss all of this with them. At the end of your discussion with them, once again ask them to agree to focus on your relationship with them so that it no longer suffers from their negative focus on your boyfriend. Assure them that they can certainly express their concerns but then they need to back off and let you deal with your boyfriend and they need to trust you to do this.
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Thank-you. I have tried this numerous times... they say that because they are my parents they have the right to voice their concern and the opinions. I have never disagreed, but when asked to keep their comments to themselves sometimes, they get mad and think that I am being disrespectful.
Expert:  Angela replied 7 years ago.
In lieu of this, then you will have to put ultimatums in place for your parents because they choose not to respect you as an adult or to respect your choices. You have to decide what ultimatums you will use until they begin to respect you and to respect your boundaries. For example: the next time they are negative about your boyfriend will you tell them yet again in a calm loving voice that they are being disrespectful etc. and then will you say bye and leave or if they are at your house will you ask them to leave? Think about the types of ultimatums you will use and begin to do so while always being careful to tell them why you are doing what you are doing so that they understand even though they will not like it. Doing this will also help to keep you mentally and emotionally healthy in reference to your interactions with them.
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