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Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience:  Extensive experience fostering family relationships through consultation / counseling.
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I am 31 years old. I live on my own, have a job (I am a teacher)

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I am 31 years old. I live on my own, have a job (I am a teacher) and support myself. My parents still will not leave me alone! I only live about 15 minutes away from them. My mom has been calling me every single day so far this summer. They don't like where I live and want me to move. They also dislike my fiance. They did like him at first, but then suddenly had a change of opinion, even though nothing had happened. How do I get them to just butt out of my life?
Hello and thanks for using!

If you've already tried this, let me know... I'm wondering how the conversation might go if you frame it differently. Instead of approaching it as "leave me alone," you could tell them how important it is that you know they trust you and the decisions you make. You're an adult and very capable of caring for yourself and making decisions about your life. By calling you daily (checking in?) and questioning your choice in a finance, they're sending a message that makes you feel (fill in the blank -- How does this make you feel?) I suggest you tell them about how these behaviors make them feel -- They can't argue with you about those.

Explain to them that you want to have a happy, healthy relationship with them, but there are some things that need to change in order for that to happen. At that point you'll establish some boundaries -- How many phone calls are you comfortable with? You could also tell them you're well aware of how they feel about where you live and you'll take it into consideration when you make decisions about your life. You could even go as far as saying you value their opinion on certain matters and you'll be sure to ask for their input when you feel like you need advice.

I'd pick the most important issue and address that first. Trying to hash out the details of the phone calls, approving of your finance, and thoughts on where you live may become a convoluted mess. Work on one issue and when it begins to feel resolved, then you can move on to the next. Frame the entire thing positively -- You want to have a strong relationship with them and you're worried this is beginning to make that difficult.

I wish you the best of luck!
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