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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience:  n/a
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My boyfriend and I met three years ago. I was 28, he was 38.

Customer Question

My boyfriend and I met three years ago. I was 28, he was 38. Our first serious discussion we had after we got together was about having children. Since he told me that he had a vasectomy (he already has 3 children) and I wanted to have children, this was very important to me. He agreed to have a reversal operation once we decide to get married. He even started to look for doctors that specialize in this field. Since he turned 40 he had doubts about his decision and one day presented me with his decision that he does not want to have kids anymore. He says that it is time for grand-children instead of starting over with another child with me. Since I don't have any children and it is my biggest goal in life to raise at least one child, we are now at the point in our relationship where neither of us is willing to compromise on this topic, but we both know that we love each other and we want to spend the rest of our lives together. How are we supposed resolve this conflict of interests?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 7 years ago.
Hello my name is Angela.
I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion.

I understand that neither of you are willing to compromise on this issue, however, the only way to resolve it is by having some sort of compromise. It is not uncommon for both of you to initially refuse to compromise because you both feel really strong about your positions on having children. However, if you both really love each other and want to be together, then in time, you will find a way to compromise because without doing so your relationship will more than likely spiral downward because this is a huge issue for both of you. I suggest giving this more time to see if you both can reach a compromise. If after additional time has passed and neither of you still want to compromise on this issue, then if you stay in the relationship you will probably end up feeling resentful towards him, at the least, due to him refusing to have children with you. Also, for now I suggest letting the issue permeate in his mind since he obviously knows how you feel and then revisit the issue with him in about two weeks. During this time try to think of things to inspire him to be more open to having children with you and present them to him when you discuss this issue again in two weeks.
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