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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1767
Experience:  PHD LPC
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I have been dating the same guy for 12 years. We get along

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I have been dating the same guy for 12 years. We get along well. I like his personality, which is easy going. He has lots of friends who have become my friends too. We get along well and have lived together for the last two years.

The problem is my boyfriend has not a real job the entire time I've dated him. He worked for his dad for awhile and made good money, but that fizzled and now he doesn't have a job. He shows no interest in going back to school. He is not responsible when it comes to money. He has student loans, credit cards, back taxes, and medical bills that he doesn't pay and hasn't made arrangements for. He spent all the money he made while working for his dad as quickly as he made it. Now he doesn't have any money and I buy all the groceries, pet food, and personal care items for both of us.

The house we live in was his dad's second house. It has been foreclosed on so we have about six weeks before we have to move. I am a teacher and the house is about an hour and ten minutes from my job. I have been looking at buying a house (because my credit is good and I am responsible with money) closer to my work. My boyfriend has made it clear he doesn't want to move that far away from his friends and family. Then he changes his mind and I overheard him telling his mom that we are going to buy a house and fix it up together.

I don't know what to do. I love the guy, but I am worried he will never work and will never be responsible. He was 20 and I was 22 when we met, so I didn't think about all these things until I got older. Now everyone I know is married with children and stable husbands who work every day. I don't need a man to pay for me; I just want someone who will work. When I say this to him, he gets angry and tells me he can't change everything overnight.

Can people change like this? Or is your work ethic so engrained by our age that you either work or you don't? He grew up with a dentist dad who made lots of money and threw it around. He had all the toys and never had to work. He has never had a place of his own that he paid for. I grew up in a family where my dad was an electrician and we did okay, but didn't have a lot of extra money. I've worked since I was 15. I have lived on my own in the dorms and in apartments I had to use my credit to get and my jobs to pay for. Is this hopeless?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Relist: No answer yet.
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Relist: No answer yet.
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 7 years ago.
Hi, you have every right to believe that this man will not get a job anytime soon. Why should he? You pay for everything.He tell his mom "we" are going to buy a house and whose paying/ You were taught that money is important and you need to work to make it. Him on the other hand sounds spoiled, got what he wanted so he is no respect for money.The relationship isn't hopeless but you would benefit from going to therapy, it a place where he can learn the value of work and earning money as well as get you on the same page because if you aren't you won't be able to maintain this relationship.
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