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Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience:  Extensive experience fostering family relationships through consultation / counseling.
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I lack assertiveness and I am shy, I would like to change these

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I lack assertiveness and I am shy, I would like to change these traits, how do
you recommend I do this, ie books, courses, doctors
Hello and thanks for using!

You've already tried the first organization that came to my mind, but I think wanting to shape any part of your personality is entirely possible. You may want to try challenging yourself to do something every day that's outside of your comfort level. This could be introducing yourself to someone new, giving a compliment to a stranger, or striking up a conversation about something safe and easy to talk about (e.g., weather, restaurant recommendations, etc.). It might help to start journaling as a way to track the ideas you have for this, how successful you are (accept that some days it won't be as easy, forgive yourself if it doesn't go as planned), and how it makes you feel. Journals are great for looking back, reflecting on your progress, and seeing how much you've grown as well as for outlining what your goals are and how you're going to get there.

You might try joining other social or volunteer organizations for the sake of putting yourself in a position to meet new people. It's scary, but take it one step at a time. For example, today I only need to look up information about a local class I might be interested in (community college, parks and rec, cooking school, etc.) or find out what's involved if I wanted to volunteer for a non-profit agency or organization that does great things for the community. Break the larger goals into smaller, more manageable ones so they don't seem so overwhelming.

Next, think about someone whose assertiveness you admire. Someone with an outgoing personality that does / says the kinds of things you wish you could do / say. You're not trying to copy who this person is, just keep them in mind when you find yourself in situations that make you feel socially uncomfortable. Ask yourself, "What would ___ do?" Don't be afraid to try it! You'll get better and better with practice and it will come more naturally to you.
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