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I did a no-no. I snooped around in my boyfriends bedroom and…

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I did a no-no....
I did a no-no. I snooped around in my boyfriends bedroom and found some home sex videos. He is secretly filming. We have been dating for 2 years, things were going well, however, back in Feb. I just had this gut feeling that something was amiss. The majority of the videos were from before we began dating and from what I could gather, he pays for sex.    I recently snooped again and found a more recent video that was made this past April. I'm so confused, he tells me he loves me and wants to grow old with me, but why does he continue to pay for sex and secretly film it. In this particular video, he tells her that he is sorry to disappoint her, he told his co-workers he found the love of his life (her), and he wanted to take care of her and have her move in, etc. etc. I honestly think he has formed some sort of relationship with her, hard to really assess. I know that he is aware that this video is missing, but he won't say anything to me. I'm in thick with his family and he with mine.   Please help, what do I do?
Submitted: 8 years ago.Category: Relationship
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Answered in 7 hours by:
6/15/2010
Counselor: Dr.G., Psychologist replied 8 years ago
Dr.G.
Dr.G., Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1,570
Experience: Licensed Psychologist
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Customer reply replied 8 years ago
Tell him that I have the video and/or just walk away from our relationship. I want to know why he does this sort of thing (pay for sex and film it). Is there some sort of gratification from watching them, is it an obsession, trophy? It's upsetting, I thought that I knew him, but then I stumble upon this.
Counselor: Dr.G., Psychologist replied 8 years ago
I would do both actually. I would tell him that you know everything that he has been doing behind your back and let him know how this has affected you. Once he gets through begging and pleading to forgive him and telling you he will change then I would leave him. the damage has been done in this relationship and I don't think you would ever be able to fully trust him again. I am not interested in why he has done these things but obviously he has a problem with it and it is interfering in this relationship. Good luck to you.
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Customer reply replied 8 years ago

I want to get inside his head, I do want to know why he has done these things... what type of problem does he have.

Counselor: Dr.G., Psychologist replied 8 years ago
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