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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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my husband and I have been married for a year now and over

Customer Question

my husband and I have been married for a year now and over the past year he has been gone 50 percent of the time. Anytime we get into an arguement even a small argument or something happens that he doesn't like he leaves. I am now 7mths pregnant and he has left again.. I filed divorce papers may 10th of last month after he left in April he came back in May and now left again june 10th should I just go ahead and finalize the divorce papers and call it quits or hang on? I have 4 other children and this back and forth and the lack stability is really bothering me. The last thing he said to me before he left was that I don't do anything for him, which is not true. In the last year I have bought him 2 vehicals which he has sold and the money I never saw, a 900.00 camera which he sold and I have no idea what he did with that money, he has maybe paid 6 bills since we have been together and bought the kids cloths and some groceries a few times. I own the house and have always been the bread winner but now that I need him the most since I was layed off and pregnant on bedrest he is constintly leaving for weeks at a time. I have to find him to talk to him to get him to come home, I feel like I can't keep chasing after him when it seems like he isn't trying to put anything into this relationship. He doesn't drink or do drugs, he is not abusive to me or the children, he is a bit selfish and immature and at times he seems like he really try's but it seems we can't go a month without him leaving for 2-3 weeks with no word or contact. This time he left I really have no way to find him he left with just a bag of cloths didn't take even his bible or computer. I am afraid he may have left the state this time. I feel like he is doing this to punish me for something but I can't figure out what since honestly we may argue once a week and I feel like if he would just cool off and chill out without leaving it really wouldn't be so bad. He doesn't give us a chance to calm down and then talk about it he just gets up and leaves. Other than this honestly our relationship is pretty good we get along great for the most part. Even though he continues to leave things have gotten better over this last year with him tring to help with bills and being more apart of the kids and the house duties. I really am lost.....
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 7 years ago.

Good Morning,


Do you believe or know of him having a drug problem?


What is your specific question?

Customer: replied 7 years ago.
No as far as I know and as much as I know about his past I can honestly say I don't believe drugs, or gambling or another woman are playing a roll here, and he doesn't have a past with drugs.
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 7 years ago.

You've shared that he had left his job and the insurance issue got in the way of seeing a counselor for marital therapy. You may be able to contact the United Way toll free #211 and get a list of community mental health agencies in your area (they serve clients without commercial insurance)


It would be imperative that he tells you where he goes when he leaves the house and why. If he is doing it as a way of avoidance, that is not a healthy coping skill (it only hurts your relationship) You would want to let him know that you would like him and you to work on resolving the issue not running away from it. He may be feeling overwhelmed by fatherhood, had burned out from his ex job, is becoming undecided of what he wants out of life and marriage, a possible early mid life crisis etc.


Unless he opens up, you would only speculate about the causes for his behavior. If there is a history of mental illness in his family such as depressive disorders/bipolar, it may be something to consider as a cause.


The below is a workbook suggestion for the two of you to consider-


The Couple's Survival Workbook: What You Can Do to Reconnect with Your Partner and Make Your Marriage Work by David C. Olsen (Paperback)


And bibliotherapy-


Why Can't You Read My Mind? Overcoming the 9 Toxic Thought Patterns that Get in the Way of a Loving Relationship by Jeffrey Bernstein (Paperback)