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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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Too much to get into here, but I have 5 stepchildren close

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Too much to get into here, but I have 5 stepchildren close to my age. One daughter really resents my existence, and one son resents me for one day inheriting half of his Dad's house. I have been married 4 years and in the relationship for 13 years. I'm sure I have made my share of mistakes. The immediate stress I face is that we all try to be civil for their father, but it is so fake. There is a daughter in-law also who expects me to be wonderful to her when she resents me getting half the house also. I hate all of this, but I knew what I was getting into. Sometimes I think I should talk to the son especially, but dont see how that would solve anything because he feels the way he feels. Should I just try to be as nice as I can, or should I engage conversation about all of this?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 7 years ago.

Good Afternoon,


You could still try to talk to the son (and just don't have a negative expectation of his reaction) If you do, he may sense that and it would lead to a self fulfilling prophecy. Of course, you do not have control of anyone's reactions only of your own.


If you feel that others are resentful, that is their issue. You are just caught up in the middle. It would be most helpful if your partner addresses this issue with his kids. You ought not to be the mediator or the door mat. His decision impacts them and he has to address it.


If you decide to speak to the son, perhaps you would want to do it some place out of the house - coffee shop, in the park, etc.

Customer: replied 7 years ago.
My husband did address it right after we were married when the son expressed his feelings. He told the son that she is my wife, and you would want that for your wife. But in the past before we were married and the son expressed his unhappiness, my husband told the son he agreed with him, that I should only get 1/6 of the house. The daughter in law gets upset when I dont befriend her like she'd like, but she expressed her unhappiness about the situation, so it is hard for me to trust her. I know this cannot be resolved on the internet, but I am thinking my main thought is I find it hard to let this go, instead of not care what they think. Do you think I should get outside therapy for this?My husband addressed it once, and that's all he'll do.
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 7 years ago.

Outside counseling may be quite helpful (to help you figure out what is making you hold onto it and to help in letting go) Your husband seems supportive (addressing this when you got married and is not years later the issue still hangs over your head)


As far as befriending the daughter, you can remain civil and do not have to trust anyone with alternative motives.

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Customer: replied 7 years ago.
<p>Thanks, XXXXX XXXXX try to get help with this.</p><p>May I say</p><p>Maybe I am holding on to this because I know my husband did not always feel I should get 1/2 the house, and his son knows this. The daughter in law asked me who's idea it was for me to get 1/2, hinting that I might have talked him into it. I think it is more than fair. they act like it is millions of dollars. It is an old house, and not worth that much, especially in this economy. Me and my husband did talk about this alot. Maybe I feel deep down, it's not what he really wants. Because for years that was the case, and that hurt!</p>
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 7 years ago.
At some point though he had decided to include you in this. It seems fair that a spouse should receive something (nothing unusual about that) The children are grown adults, they can make their own living and not be overly dependent on him. Just stick with the facts for now (don't upset yourself guessing what he wants or may have not wanted)
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