Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP
your gut reaction is right. There is nothing normal to look at that sort of stuff with the excuse that it is an anger outlet (besides, what you did when you were not together is irrelevant and should not be used as amo on his part)
If he is willing to work on this (which is mostly his doing nothing to do with your body image or self esteem) then see if he would be willing to go to couple's counseling. Many men now use sexual addiction/internet addiction as an excuse of not dealing with their own issues (lack of control, inability to manage one's anger, inability to communicate with one's partner, etc)
Try to find out what his goal of your relationship is (where does he see it in the next year, 2-3+ years and what his expectations of you are. Make sure you let him know the same on your part. You have a right to be not only angry but also feeling betrayed and disappointed and he has to correct that.
This is a workbook for the two of you to use and see if he is open to self improvement. You can only contribute 50% into the relationship. The rest is his responsibility.
The Couple's Survival Workbook: What You Can Do to Reconnect with Your Partner and Make Your Marriage Work by David C. Olsen
There are some things you can do as a couple that are not really costly.
1/ make some time specifically to talk about the issues at hand
2/ couples workbooks and tapes (CD)
3/ if there are any free workshops or reduced cost workshops for couples in your area (since they are usually 1 time events)
It is not your fault how he reaches orgasm. He can tell you what he likes or does not like when intimate. You can offer some stimulation to him, try new things, watch couples videos, etc. Do not let his porn watching affect your self esteem. Your self esteem should be independent of what he does or does not do as a partner/lover. That is his issue to deal with. It tells you something about his will and desire to change does it not?
Here are some free resources for him to consider