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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience:  n/a
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Hi,l.d.r. for 8 months,until 2 days ago.Always been l.-d. since

Customer Question

Hi,l.d.r. for 8 months,until 2 days ago.Always been l.-d. since bf is foreign,there's always been pain&frustration of not being able to consistently grow together as a couple,also because although we saw each other approx. once a month it was only for a short time(5 days to 2 weeks).Despite these difficulties the passion in the relationship was always very strong.However I realized, over the months, that though I would openly express my distress at moments when I would have to say goodbye to him or moments when I'd miss him, he'd always bottle his feelings up and he'd say that what's important is that he knows I'm there. It was almost as if he was afraid of facing negative emotions.Recently we'd been finding it difficult to communicate because of network problems&I started getting frustrated&told him.He then told me that he can't take it any longer as the rel.'s making him suffer.He then told me he cheated,once&he feels like a stupid shit&that he doesn't deserve my forgiveness.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 7 years ago.
Hello my name is Angela.
I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion.

I understand what you have written, what question may I answer for you?
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Well now I don't know what I should do. I still love him and I'm willing to work to try and maintain the relationship but I know it's going to be difficult especially since we're based in both countries. I would like to speak to him face to face, but I think he's scared of that, well so am I, but I'm willing to face the fear. The question is: should I tell him that I've bought a plane ticket to go and speak to him? Also what should I tell him as a reaction to his email telling me he cheated?
Expert:  Angela replied 7 years ago.
I think that you should tell him you already bought a plane ticket because you really would like to see him and talk to him in person. Also, it is good to tell him because you both live in different countries, therefore, it would be good to schedule the day with him that you will go to see him in order to ensure that he is available. I think when see him in person you should tell him how you honestly feel about him cheating on you and discuss it. For example, you may want to ask him, did he cheat on you before the two of you decided to be exclusive or was it when you weren't officially exclusively dating? Discuss your feelings about him cheating on you such as anger, frustration, disappointment, etc. Discuss with him how the two of you can both move beyond the incident of cheating.
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
It's strange though because when I found out that he cheated I felt strangely relieved. Why? I don't know, maybe it's because finally I had an answer and I knew what was going on. So should I ask him about the details of why he cheated (why? when? how did he feel?) if and when I see him or by email?
Expert:  Angela replied 7 years ago.
I think it would be appropriate to ask him why he cheated along with the other questions you mentioned because in order for both of you to be able to move beyond this incident, you both need to discuss it thoroughly and then decide together how to move beyond the incident.

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