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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1768
Experience:  PHD LPC
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what do I do when after 12 yrs of marriage, we are continuing

Customer Question

what do I do when after 12 yrs of marriage, we are continuing to have issues trusting one another, my husband refuses to go to counseling, will not share information with me such as bank account, computer file, etc.. even though I request we both keep transparency in the marriage. I've caught him gambling and looking at porn sites and when I asked him about it, he first attempted to lie about it until I showed him proof, then he admitted it but tried to turn it around as if I was being controlling of him. He views our marriage as a "his' and "hers" type of relationship and I view it as a "ours" relationship. I've articulated this, and he does seem to accept this philosophy. I was the bread winner until lately when I lost my job and now am dependent upon him financially. He makes me beg him for spending money and barely pays my expenses. I do not have access to our joint accounts. What do I do?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 7 years ago.
Hi, Sounds as though you are living in a marriage that is ruled by your husband. You have no voice. He has total control over your joint accounts? I would suggest you go to a lawyer and get access to your accounts and take half and put it in a private account in your name. If you know where the money is you can just go to the back and take it out. Yes, it will cause him to be very angry but if you wait he may just put everything in his name and it will take years to sort out. You need a lawyer and you need to find a therapist you can work with to get you strong enough to leave. You are being controlled and abused. Do not hesitate to take action. You will be much better off once you take control of yourself.
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