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Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience:  Extensive experience fostering family relationships through consultation / counseling.
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ask jennifer. Hi Jennifer. Both girls are looking for a committed

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ask jennifer. Hi Jennifer. Both girls are looking for a committed relationship now. Lisa more than Allison. I went out with Allison fri night and had a blast with her and her friends. She drove which I thought was nice. On Saturday I went to Fire Island with Lisa and my friends came out on Sun. The sat night was ok not as much fun but sunday was good even though my friends were all over the place. My one friend that didnt like her at first thought she was being really cool. Allison texted me here and there i miss u's and stuff and that she wants to be with just me. When I am with Allison things are awesome but when we are not u cant tell what she is thinking where as lisa is the same throughout . I also se Lisa a lot more than Allison. On Sunday I got really sick towards monday morning and I am still sick now. Lisa has bent over backwards to take care of me. Allison did say she would bring me dinner tonight. So at this point I am still up in the air on who to choose.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jennifer replied 7 years ago.
The consistency you're seeing with Lisa is important... It sounds like she's the furthest thing from anyone you've dated in the past! However, I know how much Allison means to you and it sounds like she's finally opening up.

Sounds like you might want to sit down and think through both of these relationships and consider what you want for your future... Think a little about the goals you have for life (Travel? Kids? Career? Education?) Now think about each of the women one at a time and answer these...

Do her plans for the future align with yours?
What about values and priorities?
Can you see yourself with her 10 years from now?
Does she make you laugh?
Do you miss her when you're not with her and find yourself thinking of her?
Does she make you feel good about yourself?
Does she care for you and support you when you need it most?
What do you have in common?
Have you met any family members / friends? How was that?
What are the qualities that are important to you in a woman / in a relationship? Do you see those here? Of the things that are missing, are they things you can live without?
What are her strengths and weaknesses? How do they "fit" with yours?

In the end, there will also be a factor to consider that can't really be pinned down -- One of them will just "feel right." Think about all of this and see where you're leaning... Then take another few days before making any decisions and see if you still feel the same way. I hope that helps!
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
I would say that how I feel about Allison is how I felt about the ex but wo the drama. Lisa reminds me of an ex who did everything for me but the deep love was never really there. Plus Lisa smokes which is a turnoff to me because I have asthma. She said she would quit once I commit. Both want a family. I saw Allison tonight. She came over. The closeness is there and she wants a relationship. I told her I was not dating anybody else when she asked me to avoid problems. Here is the thing. If Allison really likes me then how come shes ok with seeing me twice a week. Like the next time I may see her is Saturday. Would that be normal for an exclusive relationship. Bear in mind XXXXX XXXXXves an hour away from me and Allison 10 min and I see Lisa 4 times a week. I just dont get it.
Expert:  Jennifer replied 7 years ago.
I think you've got your answer -- Allison has been the one all along that you've felt more connected to (based upon the info you've shared in other posts). It seems like you're trying very hard to feel the same way about Lisa b/c she fits the bill in so many ways, but when it comes down to it there are things about her that are not exactly what you're looking for after all.

Seeing each other a few times per week is normal for some relationships, but not all. I'd say it depends upon how busy your lives are (work, other commitments). Have you told her you'd like to spend more time with her? My only suggestion would be that if you've told her you're exclusive, you'll need to follow through with that if you hope to have a future with her. If she were to find out you're not, that would be a quick way to kill the potential here.
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