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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1768
Experience:  PHD LPC
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My girlfriend of 6 yrs finished with me last Sept. She said

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My girlfriend of 6 yrs finished with me last Sept. She said there were traits of mine that aggravated her and she did not think she could live with me. She later told me that earlier in that year when we had a small arguement a switch in her head flicked and from then she did not feel the same way about me. She met someone else but has not been happy.We have been seeing each other again for a few months whilst she is still seeing this other guy and have been very much in love again. We were getting back together but last week it all got too much for me (being the other man) and I sounded off. Guess what, the next day she said she needed some space and later said she still loves me but doesnt know if she can live with me, her feelings have changed and it was like a switch had flicked in her head again which has turned her off me! she does not know why herself. What is going on ? (Her husband left her 8 yrs ago and mother died when she was 16yrs). I think it is some deep seated issue .
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 7 years ago.
Hi, best friends don't treat each other like this. If her "switch" has flicked twice then that means she is not only not in love with you but feels the need to yo-yo due to her insecurities. The drama of going back because she was jealous is another red flag you need to heed. You can cope by ending the relationship. You can't be friends once you have been lovers (many will argue this but look what happens when you date someone else). You best course of action would be to walk away. Her problems are hers and therapy would be a big help. You deserve to be with someone who can live with you, loves you for who you are and supports you in good times and bad, not just when it suits her.
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Customer: replied 7 years ago.
I do believe she loves me, if you could see the way she looks at me some times and I love her too much and have always believed we were meant for each other . My logic agrees with you but my heart doesnt. Is there anything I can do to get her back, should I suggest therapy to her ?
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 7 years ago.
Hi, I would suggest you go to counseling together. She sounds as though she would benefit from her own as well but in your best interest couples counseling would be a good place to start. If you feel as strongly as you do that you are meant to be together it would be best to sort it out in a safe therapeutic setting together.
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Customer: replied 7 years ago.

Seeking out the right person for us and I think I also need someone for myself is important. Which type of professional should I look for in terms of expertise etc.

Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 7 years ago.
I would for someone who does relationship/marriage counseling or even someone who does pre-marital counseling. They will usually advertise as such or make some phone calls and ask how much couples counseling do they do in their practice, and if they don't can they recommend someone. You'll know it when you find the right therapist. Caution here is that you should use individual separate therapists for your own therapy. Keep the relationship therapist separate.
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