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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience:  n/a
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okay, Im a 45 your old man, been divorsed for 6 years now,

Resolved Question:

okay, I'm a 45 your old man, been divorsed for 6 years now, I was married for 18+ years. I am in a relationship that started out great so good I even asked her to marry me, she accepted. the last 7 months have been one desaster after another. I'm a little jealous well alot. And she continues to do stuff that she knows makes me jealous and tells me its my problem. I have been seeing a counceler and a Phys and they have me on some meds, Nortryptlin and somthing else, I hate taking stuff that i don't think I need. She told me the other day i did not know the meaning of LOVE, "it's suppose to be someone you can count on" was he answer. I have done everything for this woman, I love her very much. But should I be the only one willing to change and try not to do things that upset her eventough she won't give me the same courticie? sorry about the spelling i'm at a loss and feel like it's all crashing down on me.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 7 years ago.
Hello my name is Angela.
I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion.

No, you should not be the only one willing to change and to try not to do things that upset her, she also needs to be willing to do the same. Ultimately, your marriage can survive if you both are willing to make compromises that you both can feel good about concerning the issues in your marriage. Therefore, you previously went to counseling alone and that was fine, however, a marriage involves two people and it takes two people to make a marriage work. I would suggest to her the possibility of both of you going to counseling because a therapist can help you both work through the issues you are both dealing with, such as the jealousy issue and its affects on your marriage. The therapist can also help you both to understand what each other is really saying and what you each mean by the things you say.
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
She has agreed to attend together a few weeks ago, but now she seems like she has lost intrest. And took the engagement ring off and has not talked to me for the last few days, sence she got back from AZ. I'm really not sure what started it but, I think it was because she said that she does not believe that I believe she loves me, and all I said was I do know she does and wish she would show it a little more, she has a bunch of guy friends that most of them are exboyfriends and she is more friendly to them than she is to me. I feel like a door mat
Expert:  Angela replied 7 years ago.
Even though her behavior is not what you would like it to be and this is certainly understandable, I would focus on the fact that she agreed to attend counseling and ask her when the two of you could start to go? You could give her a call to discuss this since she has had a few days to herself since returning from Arizona. Hopefully, she is still willing to go to counseling and then the other issues you mentioned could be addressed during therapy, especially the issue of how she makes you feel like a door mat.
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
now would u suggest that we use a differant counceler than who i see, or give her the oppertunity to give him her side of the story? as she puts it, i get the feeling she is going to go in on the defensive. don't get me wrong i have over reacted alot, and admit to that. that is the reason i am trying to get help to be able to control my jealousy
Expert:  Angela replied 7 years ago.
I think you should ask her, would she prefer to choose the counselor that you both see. Sometimes people don't mind seeing the same counselor that their mate has being seeing and sometimes they do mind because they feel as if the counselor may be biased already. Therefore, it would be best to ask her what her preference is.
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