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Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience:  Extensive experience fostering family relationships through consultation / counseling.
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In December my boyfriend broke up with me and found a new girlfriend

Customer Question

In December my boyfriend broke up with me and found a new girlfriend right away. We were very much in love with each other and ridiculously happy. When we met he was out of school and I was finishing up my undergrad and in August had to move for school. We were both for continuing the relationship, but when I got home for winter break he dumped me. While I was gone we had solid communication initiated on both sides, and I'm not at school forever so I think that distance is only an excuse. All the issues on his side were from fear and started when he began to really rely on me for support. Now, months later, I'm still hopelessly in love with him and I don't know what to do. We aren't currently trying to be friends since it's too hard for me. I've dated since, but I'm really still in love with him. He chose not to be with me and I know it's beyond my control, but I can't keep living like this and I don't know what to do. It hurts all the time despite my trying to focus on my life instead
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jennifer replied 7 years ago.
Hello and thanks for using!

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. It sounds like you're really hurting. You've recognized the important things here -- At his lowest point, he ended the relationship. You ARE worth fighting for... yet he didn't. He sounds like he has some incredible qualities. You've learned from this relationship that those are qualities you'd like in the future, with one exception... The next guy who fulfills you in those ways will love you back. He'll choose you and won't play with your head by saying wonderful things and then going home to another girl. Focus on the qualities you did NOT like in your ex. Spend some time considering why this was not a perfect relationship (besides the obvious fact that your love is not being reciprocated). Try to hold on to those things and repeat those things to yourself when you find yourself missing him or getting upset about the relationship ending.

In the meantime, spend some time on personal growth. Continue journaling and spending time with friends / family who make you feel good. I'd also suggest beginning a new hobby, sport, activity, or volunteer work -- Something to broaden your horizons and make you more than you were when you knew him. Not only might you find that you truly enjoy it, you'll meet new people and find that your time is better used doing things you enjoy (or helping others) instead of wasting it on feeling down. I wish you the best of luck!