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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience:  n/a
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My son just turned 22 - his girlfriend is 21. This is his

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My son just turned 22 - his girlfriend is 21. This is his first relationship. His father died three years ago, so he has no male influence in his life. About three weeks ago, she broke up with him because of his behavior. He was very angry about it and cut her picture and other items in small pieces. Now, he loves her and is frantic about not having her in his life. Right now, she is studying hard for her finals and will not talk to him until they are over. He agrees with her about being just friends for a while, but he already planning to move with her when she goes to graduate school in another state. He is trying to get together with a psychologist to work on his problems. He said when they broke up, he loved her a little. He has been talking with her mother about this. What can I do to help him when the relationship is completely over with her? Right now he has anxiety and can not work because of it. Please help me. I am his mother and I do not know what to do.
Hello my name is Angela.
I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion.

It is great that he is getting therapy, this will be the greatest benefit to your son as long as he does the work that therapy requires in the sessions and outside of the sessions. I think the best way you can help him is to be supportive of him going to therapy and to hold him accountable to do the work that therapy requires in order for him to make progress. If he is comfortable discussing his therapy sessions with you, that would be great because you could then share with him that you also want to help him and then hold him accountable to work on the issues that arise during his sessions. If he is not comfortable sharing what transpires during his sessions with you, then you could still tell him that you want to help him and then ask him how you can help him? You could also let him know that you would like to discuss with him anything that he has questions or thoughts about pertaining to his ex-girlfriend and/or anything else. As he shares with you, you could also begin to discuss the status of his relationship with his ex-girlfriend by letting him share his thoughts about it with you and then you could give him your honest and loving responses and continue the conversation with him in this manner. Additionally, in reference to his anxiety preventing him from working, since he is seeing a psychologist, you could discuss with him the possibility of going to see his primary care physician to discuss a medication that could help with his anxiety and perhaps enable him to secure employment. I suggest this possibility because the psychologist will be addressing his mental health and the primary care physician could also help by addressing the physical manifestations that his mental health is having upon him.
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
How in three/four weeks could they both change their minds so fast? She loved him and now does not want anything to do with him and he was very angry and now can't live without her. Is there an easy, understandable book that I can read to understand relationships so I can help him/her and me?
If she really loved him and was in love with him, then typically such a quick change of mind would not have occurred. Therefore, it could be possible that she really did not love him and was not in love with him. Only she knows the real reasons behind her behavior and if she shared the true reasons behind her behavior with your son, then we could all understand this situation better. Also, a book I recommended to my clients dealing with similar situations, which they found helpful, can be found by clicking here:
I think this would also be helpful to you and your son as you both deal with this very painful situation.
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