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Dr.G., Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1525
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
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I have been dating my girlfriend for over a year now. I am

Resolved Question:

I have been dating my girlfriend for over a year now. I am 52 and she is 43. She has no children and I have two beautiful children that have finished college and they are working professionally.
She has been married twice and I have been married once. My marriage lasted over 25 years and her marriages were very short lived (ie, one was a week and the other was a couple of years).
She may be bi-polar and gets violently mad sometimes. I am a level head who wants to come up with actions to resolve rather than fight.
My question: She has an old boyfriend that is her "friend". She almost married him and then they broke up a few years ago. When she hit hard times financially, he allowed her to move in with him and he took care of the bills. She stated that they did not have sex. I met her when she was rooming with him. She want to maintain contact with him and I don't want this to occur. I think they are having an emotional affair. Your thoughts?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr.G. replied 7 years ago.
Why do you think it is an emotional affair? Do you trust her?
Customer: replied 7 years ago.

No, I do not trust her. She has lied to me repeatedly about her relationship with another old boyfriend. I caught her cheating with him and it almost ended our relationship. In addition, I've seen texts from men she has known and there were inappropriate sexual jokes and comments made. She is very outgoing when around others and tends to touch men during social discussions. I don't think her inner discipline kicks in early enough to make me comfortable when she is around her old boyfriends.

She has pledged to be true to me and respond to concerns I have about cutting off relations with previous boyfriends. I have tried to break up with her repeatedly but we seem to always get back together.

Expert:  Dr.G. replied 7 years ago.
I think you answered your own question about her actions. You can't trust her, caught her in lies, and she talks and texts men??? I think you should run as far away as possible from her. Just my opinion.
Customer: replied 7 years ago.

Just one more question, she has said she will steer clear of her old boyfriends but she seems to call Tony when I get fed up with her hostile and mean attitude.

Today, one of her old boyfriends callled while I was with her and she simply said "I am with Jim" to him twice. She didn't tell him to stop contact, she just said that she was with me. Am I wrong to expect her to tell this guy that we are working on a long term relationship and not to contact her?

I am so addicted to sex with her that I don't have a desire for another woman. I can pick up loads of nice women but I just don't want them like I do Donna.

Your thoughts are appreciated.

Jim H

Expert:  Dr.G. replied 7 years ago.
I think you do have the right to want ex's out of the picture. Ask her if the tables were turned would she want girls calling you. You may just want to keep it sexual for now and see if you can learn to trust her. But the constant contact with the guys makes me very concerned.
Dr.G. and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
JIm has been sending you a load of crap. He is overly controling and allows myself no friends, even if they are gay guys. He has cheated on me 5 times. Maybe you should ask him some questions about himself.