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Dr.G., Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1492
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
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My husband and I have been married for four months, together

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My husband and I have been married for four months, together for almost two years. He was in a marriage prior to ours for five years. His former wife had a daughter so he was a step parent for five years. He was not really close to the child and regrets how he treated her. And he wanted to get closer to her. We just had a huge fight because he doesn't seem enthusiastic or happy about having our own children, and seem really hung up on his relationship with his step daughter. I told him that relationship was over. Since that marriage is over. He just walked out on me. I know he loves me but we have been fighting over this for awhile now. What should I do? How should I feel?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr.G. replied 7 years ago.
The discussion about having your own children should have taken place before marriage. If he was not enthusiastic then than that should have been an indicator for you. Maybe he will change his mind but my guess is not. As far as the relationship with the stepchild, it is up to her mother to decide if he can have contact with her. It is not your say. I personally would say too little too late with that relationship since he didn't take the opportunity while he was married. But that is not your call or mine. Just a side note, you really want to have kids with a man who wouldn't develop a relationship with a child in a previous marriage??? Not a good indicator of how he will be in the future.
Customer: replied 7 years ago.

His step daughter was almost a teenager when they met. She wasn't really interested in developing a relationship with him. Although he had some depression problems back then and found it hard to develop a relationship with her. I just want him to be enthusiastic about the prospect of us having children. I know I may have said some hurtful things. What do I do now?

Expert:  Dr.G. replied 7 years ago.
Apologize for the hurtful things. I really don't see how you can make him happy to have children. That has to come from within him. The most you can do is to discuss his concerns and see if there is anyway you can help alleviate his worries. But if the man doesn't want kids then you are setting yourself up for a lot of heartache if you do have a child with this man and he has no interest in the child's life.
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