Relationship

Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Relationship
This answer was rated:

My girlfriend of one year and three months recently told me

that her parents want to...
My girlfriend of one year and three months recently told me that her parents want to get her and I an apartment. I was completely shocked and told her I am not ready for that big step yet. She has since then told me she doesn't think this is going to work out because I move to slow and don't care enough about her. I have told her that I love her and care so much about her and want to be with her. She says she doesn't understand any of that because I don't even want to move in together yet.
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Answered in 2 hours by:
5/7/2010
Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4,627
Experience: Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
Verified

Good Morning,

 

Yes, it may be a bit too soon after a year and few months to make a big move. All depends on yours and her goals for the relationship and your comfort level.

She may have been influenced by her parents and told to go ahead with this change. If you know her parents, you may want to have a dinner with them and your girlfriend and kind of discretely bring this issue up.

 

Some things to focus on would be your short term goals and those of your girlfriend. You may want to have a discussion with her as to where she sees the relationship going in the next 2 years, 5 years and where the two of you see yourself professionally and otherwise in life. If there are discrepancies, you would want to work on those issues (couple's counseling, self help, etc)

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 7 years ago
Yes, her dad has said that since I don't want to move in with her right away then that means I don't have the same feelings for her that she has for me. Before I told her I didn't want to move in yet we had talked about our goals our relationship but now all she tells me is she just hopes we can make it to next week. Also I don't know what to think about how she is always accusing me of doing something with someone else or even talking to someone else. I let her look at my phone whenever she wants and I have even showed her the phone bill records. I pretty much gave up all of my female friends because she doesn't want me talking to any female but most of her friends are males which she says is okay because they have girlfriends.
It sounds that she is possessive and that she listens to her father. She would have to make her own choices. Stifling someone is never a good idea and it seems that she and her family are trying to rush things. Never a good idea to rush into anything.
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 7 years ago
Yes they do seem to try and rush things because thats what her family has done. She has told me how her parents moved in together only after three months of dating and it was mainly because her mom cheated on her dad and he wanted her where he knew where she was all the time. Her brother moved in with his girlfriend after only two months of dating and drives 45 minutes to work everyday and she asks me why is it that they can all do that but then I can see the reason to move in.
You can see the reason from their point of view. If at all you do not feel ready or comfortable then you should take your time. Why the rush? Moving in with someone does not guarantee a life long relationship.
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 7 years ago
Yeah thats what I feel but it seems no matter how I explain it she doesn't understand my reason. I also have a new question. I am not sure what to do or feel because around our one year, she is a seinor in high school and I am a sophmore in college, I trusted her to go to one of her school dances. She then told me later that night that she had danced with her ex-boyfriend and he kissed her on the forehead. I some how stayed with her and final got over that and then just last night she told me that when he walked her to her car they kissed. She then told me its what I get for not wanting to move in with her. She then said that someone she use to "talk" to who is older than me hung out at a basball game within a couple of months of use dating. She said its not a big deal because we were not that serious yet. But she has gotten pissed at me for talking to someone that hooked us up until we started dating.

There should be no confusion as to "what to think"

She is trying both options and is doing what works for her. Both of you are too young to move it (especially when this sort of things are happening)

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 7 years ago
That's what I have told her that we are to young. I am just lost on what to do or say to her now because almost everything she has accused me of she has done while with me. She is my first real relationship and the first one I have ever felt these feelings for but now it is just hard to try and keep a conversation going because it always ends up with her saying a one word answer. There is a part of me that is scared that it is coming to an end which is what I don't want to happen, but then there is a small part of me that is just tired of the arguments and thinks it might be better with out her. Everything gets evened out when we have those amazing days and never want to leave, but then its times like this where I can even get her to reassure me about how much she cares for me.

Actions speak louder than words. You will have to take care of yourself as well. No one likes mind games.

 

I would be available to answer further questions upon acceptance of prior feedback since its generally one question and answer site. Thank you.

Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4,627
Experience: Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
Verified
Dr Rossi and 87 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Ask Dr Rossi Your Own Question
Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4,627
4,627 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.

Dr Rossi is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

TherapistMaryAnn

TherapistMaryAnn

Counselor

1,706 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

Ms Chase

Ms Chase

Life Coach

853 satisfied customers

Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Psychotherapist

468 satisfied customers

Specializing in relationship/family counseling

Dr. Norman Brown

Dr. Norman Brown

Marriage Therapist

426 satisfied customers

Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

366 satisfied customers

Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.

Suzanne

Suzanne

Therapist, LCSW

338 satisfied customers

Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

DrJackiePhD

DrJackiePhD

Doctor

336 satisfied customers

I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.

< Previous | Next >

Related Relationship Questions
Ongoing relationships with a man who really doesn't care
Hello, ongoing relationships with a man who really doesn't care about me, even though he thinks he does!! … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
950 satisfied customers
My ex and I of 2 YRS broke up in the beginning of Sept (she
My ex and I of 2 YRS broke up in the beginning of Sept (she broke up with me because she said I wasn't who I used to be ans i created doubt in her mind about us). A week after we broke up she started … read more
Rosemary S.
Rosemary S.
Master\u0027s Degree
6 satisfied customers
Seven months ago, I got dumped by a man I consider my
Seven months ago, I got dumped by a man I consider my soulmate. It's been the most painful breakup I've ever experienced. Even though we were only together a little over a year, we had a very deep con… read more
Rosemary S.
Rosemary S.
Master\u0027s Degree
6 satisfied customers
I dreamed last nignt in black an, that the man that i
hello i dreamed last nignt in black an white , that the man that i secretly love was combing my hair. i was sitting on the floor my head on his lap , he had a black com and he was so gentle combing an… read more
DreamsBySue
DreamsBySue
Social Worker
Masters Degree (MSW)
68 satisfied customers
My husband and I have been together for 5 years and married
My husband and I have been together for 5 years and married just under a year. We have lived together for 3 years. I have 2 children from a previous marriage and he has 2 children from a previous marr… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
166 satisfied customers
My husband, toddler & I moved in with my in-laws house, in
My husband, toddler & I moved in with my in-laws house, in husbands home “village” after independent city life since graduating as a pharmacist 20+ years ago. I was a high achiever in everything I did… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
950 satisfied customers
Our 16 yr old grandaughter who always was close to us told
Our 16 yr old grandaughter who always was close to us told us we are a distraction to her now. We don't know how to talk to her because she only likes to txt and everything we say seems to be the wron… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
166 satisfied customers
Dispair! My 12 yo step-daughter repeatedly takes things that
Dispair! My 12 yo step-daughter repeatedly takes things that do not belong to her (my old cell phone, several of my rings, neighbor girl's shoes) and lies about it. Like one of the other readers, she … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
166 satisfied customers
My daughter is influenced by her no good boyfriend and made
my daughter is influenced by her no good boyfriend and made her call me a c unt a crakwhore and other things. I am at my end. I told her that I don't want to see her again until he is out of the pictu… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
166 satisfied customers
I am upset and worried because my boyfriend and I are not
Hello, I am upset and worried because my boyfriend and I are not getting along anymore. I read a book and realized that he is using verbal abuse to supposedly help me but all he does is make me feel w… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
950 satisfied customers
My boyfriend and I broke up less than a month ago. I tried
Hi! my boyfriend and I broke up less than a month ago. I tried to make things work between us but he didn't want to, although he still loves me! Anyway, after two weeks of trying to convince to be tog… read more
Rosemary S.
Rosemary S.
Master\u0027s Degree
6 satisfied customers
What is the proper way for a widower to introduce his girl
What is the proper way for a widower to introduce his girl friend to his mother in law? … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
166 satisfied customers
I am a 61 year old divorced female who has been in a been
This question is for Cher. Hi- I am a 61 year old divorced female who has been in a been living with the same man for 9 1/2 years. We have had some problems off and on in the last year - he moved out … read more
Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane
Doctoral Degree
385 satisfied customers
My mother, four year old daughter and I are I assume
My mother, four year old daughter and I are I assume kidnapped since I don't remember how we got to the house that the dream started in, in this house we were all in the same room locked up together, … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
166 satisfied customers
She knew my thoughts about Netherlands. I say thoughts
Hello,Yes, she knew my thoughts about Netherlands. I say thoughts because I was not certain, and she was telling me that she is maybe moving to Malta for 3 months. That was the first problem from the … read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
I was in a relationship with this girl for a year. It was
Hey so i was in a relationship with this girl for a year. It was extremely serious and we were planning on getting married. Its kind of a crazy situation. Would you like me to explain. … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
950 satisfied customers
My sister's husband just got married in a "very private"
My sister's husband just got married in a "very private" ceremony .(My sister passed away 5 years ago.) I was not invited, but received an announcement. How much should I spend on a wedding gift? I am… read more
Rosemary S.
Rosemary S.
Master\u0027s Degree
6 satisfied customers
What's the fastest, healthiest way to process through grief
What's the fastest, healthiest way to process through grief during an ongoing, dragged out divorce? What's the best way to keep esteem high if the other party is highly negative, miserable, depressed,… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
166 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x