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Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience:  Extensive experience fostering family relationships through consultation / counseling.
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i am dating a man that his divorce commenced begining of december

Customer Question

i am dating a man that his divorce commenced begining of december he had a chat with a mutual friend of ours and he said his heart has been broken and he needs time to heal
his friend advised me to pull back and give him space my boyfriend stays with me 7days a week his friend suggested that i tell him that i dont feel well or i have a job to do and its best if he stays and his and not come over he said that my boyfriend told him that he appreciates all i have done for him have helped him in his business etc when he is with me he is so affectionate he never said that he wants to break up he asks me where i am and today he apologized that he has not been himself and he thanked me for being so nice to him. he told me his heart is broken and he can not love again at the momment now how do i handle a situation like this????
he told his friend things are mouving so fast and that we are having a wife and husband relationship
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jennifer replied 7 years ago.
Hello and thanks for using!

If he's just now coming out of a marriage, I'd assume he needs some time before jumping into another relationship. For now you could offer your friendship and support. Don't put your life on hold waiting for him to heal and be ready for a new relationship, though. If you happen to be single if / when that time comes, the timing will be better and you'll have a much better chance of a successful relationship.
Jennifer and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
i told him to break up and he said he does not want a full time relationship he does not want to break up he said that he likes me a lot cares for me respects me is loyal to me and he does not want me to love him as I am expecting something to blossom in this relationship and it wont sometimes though when he is in a better mood he tells me that we might move in together etc.... and that he is afraid that our relationship will go to a higher level i have invested money in his business and i told him are u with me because you feel obligated and he said no and when i told him to break up he said if that is the case i want to give your money back in other words he is blowing hot and cold if i was somone else i would of left him by now i am currently dealing with all his problems with the CSA banks courts etc he said he appreciates all this and that i am special my heart does not allow me to leave him in this situation
Expert:  Jennifer replied 7 years ago.
The fact that he says such contradicting things and seems to shy away when things feel too serious tells me he's not ready for a relationship at all. He doesn't want a full time relationship, but he doesn't want to lose you either. It sounds like he's not ready for a relationship, but wants someone to fulfill that space for him until he is. If that's acceptable to you, then I suppose you could sit by and wait. However, your relationship may never progress to where you want it to go and he may never get over this confusion. He's in a place now where he's trying to deal with the end of a long-term relationship. That's difficult to do while seeing someone new and I'd hate for you to be his rebound relationship. It's a common mistake that people make immediately after ending long-term relationships... Here's an article that reiterates the need to take things slowly if you decide to stay with him: