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Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience:  Extensive experience fostering family relationships through consultation / counseling.
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I have been with my boyfriend now for a year & a half. We do

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I have been with my boyfriend now for a year & a half. We do have quite a lot in common & i want to make the relationship work, however, i don't find him very affectionate like other guys i've had or particularly loving. His ex wife said that he was addicted to porn & showed her little love & just wanted sex when he demanded it. I wonder whether he's still doing porn with me because he doesn't seem so sexually interested in me & he gets spam of a sexual nature which he say's everyone gets. I've tried to speak to him about it & he said he doesn't do it anymore, he got bored of it! I would have thought he would have treated me differently if he wasn't doing it.
In practical aspects of our relationship he's great but when it comes to emotions...that's where it falls down.
I don't know what to do...i don't want a guy doing porn, i want him to love me.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jennifer replied 7 years ago.
Hello and thanks for using!

I'm sorry to hear you're dealing this... Assuming he's NOT viewing porn, I think the real issue here is the lack of affection. Model the behaviors you want from him by being affectionate toward him (holding hands, kissing, hugging, saying loving things, etc.) He may pick up on this and reciprocate the behavior. Otherwise, be specific about what you want when you talk to him about wanting him to be more affectionate. Try not to present it in a way that lays blame, though. Frame it positively -- I love you and I wonder if you know how much I like (fill in the blank). Could we do that more often??

Women vary on their acceptance of pornography in relationships. Some women are fine with it because in their mind he's coming home to them, so it doesn't matter. Other women feel strongly that he shouldn't look at anyone other than them. There is no right or wrong perspective other than how YOU feel about it. If you find that he is still looking at porn and this is not acceptable to you, you'll need to talk with him about it. Explain your feelings on the subject and what you want to happen. You may offer a compromise on the issue, but this is entirely up to you and your comfort level. I wish you the best of luck!
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