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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Hi, I am trying to find a solution to my problem regarding

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Hi, I am trying to find a solution to my problem regarding a guy. I am single and in past I had been through a lot of emotional pain. I am not involved with anyone right now. Problem is there is one guy at work who keeps on gazing at my eyes for sometime. He talks with me sometime regarding work. But he never tried anything beyond that like asking me out or something. He has not done something to actually get closer to me. When he talks to me he voice is soft than he does with others. He is quite friendly with another girl. This girl is regarded as very beautiful, more like a cute kitten type of way. She got married recently but most guys are friendly with her. She uses a lot of make up and wears nice cloths.I am on the other hand is quite shy. People say I am attractive and I am natural beauty. When I get tired, I look tired. I use a very little make up. Anyway I am quite new at work too. Problem is I am upset and confused about this guy and do not know what to do.

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Hello my name is Angela.
I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion. what is your question?

I understand what you have written, what question may I answer for you?
Customer: replied 7 years ago.



Thank you for the response.


I do not know how to handle the situation. Sometimes I think I will forget all the feelings and attraction I have for this person and completely ignore it. I feel like this as although he looks at me and sometimes talk to me, I am not sure he is actually interested in getting closer to me. Then I remember that he was looking so sharply at me and also the fact that I am lonely and need to relax and have a little bit of fun in life, which I have not done for nearly 3 years in my life. So I think that I might try to get to know this person. But at the same time I do not want to be a fool and appear to needy (in case he was just looking at me). Although I know that he is not married I am not sure he is already with someone, just like he does not know anything about me. This whole thing is confusing and a bit depressing. In past I have liked a guy and did not show him that I am interested in him (because I was shy and though I must not be too forward). He misunderstood me and thought I was cold. This happened when I was 18. He immediately went out with another girl. It was a shock to me and back then I did not understand what happened.


I work with team of 25 women. Most of them like this guy (because he is a guy). So when others are around it is hard to show him that I like him. I wish I can know the reason for his staring, getting shy or getting intense around me (but like I said it could be nothing). I have known guys who like me (I did not like them) and they were quite straightforward with expressing their feelings.


Sometimes I think this person at work might just be checking me out. He might look at all the other girls too (considering the fact that he is friendly with this other cute girl who has many guy friends). So he just look at me. there are lots of attractive girls working with us, and of course there are many many girls he can date outside of work too. He really make me confused with his moods and intense looks sometimes. Other times he is shy. He does not give away anything, except the way he looks and the his nervous behavior.


I keep on thinking about the whole situation with his guy at work and I am getting a bit depressed as I do not know what is the best thing to do.




Based on all that you have written, I think it would be best if you continue at your work place in the manner you have been concerning this guy. The reason I suggest this is because it is too early to determine if his staring at you and etc. means that he likes you and I would hate to have you act on it prematurely because it would cause you greater disappointment if it turned out that he was not attracted to you. Your co-worker may have stared at you and etc. because you are new, or he may have liked what you were wearing, and etc. Give it some more time before you consider acting on any of his behavior. Also, because you work with so many women and he is the only guy, this is all the more reason to give it more time to let him clarify his intentions. However, please do not compare yourself to anyone else as you did initially. Please make sure that you truly understand and believe that who you are is unique and more than adequate for any guy and you don't ever have to compare yourself to any other woman in reference to a guy liking you; don't tear yourself down like this.
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Customer: replied 7 years ago.

Hi Angela,


I have followed you advise last month and observed this guy's behavior towards me. I had to interact with him a bit more (email/call/talk) regarding work matters. Once I smiled at him and he smiled back at me. Since then when ever he sees me, he smiles. But I do not see him a lot as he has changed his working hours and now doing part time work. I think he is a bit defensive when it comes to work matters and also at work he is reserved and kind of hard on others. But outside work, I think he is a nice, very shy guy. He is also extremely careful about letting someone entering his life and I think he is afraid of taking chances in life. He has never gone beyond his comfort zone to talk to me. He loves his car and although he is shy and reserved he goes for car races. That shows that he is not afraid to take risks? I am very interested in knowing more about him, but I do not know how to do that. He is an Indian guy in his late 20's and most probably he is already in relationship? I am an Indian girl too.


I am sure he likes me (the way I look, my personality) but I am not sure he will ever do anything about us. I can try and talk to him, but I am extremely worried about what he might think about me (even if I talk to him as a friend). I have not seen him talking with lots of girls around at work. I do not know why I just can't forget my feelings for this guy move on. It is that I feel there's something special.


I understand all of your concerns, however, the only way to know if there will be more for the two of you is to try and establish a friendship with him and see what happens. Don't be so afraid of what he will think about you since he doesn't even know you yet, give yourself a chance and give him a chance. Racing cars does show a certain degree of taking risks, however, it doesn't necessarily mean that he is as comfortable or bold in getting to know someone on a romantic level which is why I suggest trying to establish a platonic friendship first and then see what happens from there.

Edited by Angela (M. A. in Community Psy.) on 6/5/2010 at 1:37 AM EST
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