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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience:  n/a
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Me and my fiance are in a long distance relationship. We got

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Me and my fiance are in a long distance relationship. We got into a real big fight 3 months ago and even when we made up after many apologies from both side, there is a gap between us and I feel that we're falling apart. We fight more often and even when we don't fight, she is cold toward me. For example, she does not respond to when I kiss her anymore and we talk less and less. I love her so much and I cannot loose her. I know she still cares and loves me, too, but it seems like she is really emotionally tired right now, tired of me. We have plan, plan for the future and we used to talk a lot about it but now, we barely ever bring it up anymore. I don't know if it was because of the fight that changed us or it was just because she's getting bored of me. She would tell me that I care too much and it hurts because in the beginning, she loved it. What can I do to make things better between us? I know I'm crazy in love with this girl and she was, but not anymore. How can I have her crazy in love with me back?
Hello my name is Angela.
I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion.

Based upon what you have written, I would suggest scheduling a time with her when the two of you would not be disturbed and will be able to talk in a peaceful environment, for example such as going to the park and having a nice picnic. During this time with her, tell her once again how in love you are with her and how you want both of you to be completely happy with one another. Then tell her that you have felt like the two of you are no longer as close as you used to be and that you sincerely XXXXX XXXXX to discuss why this is and the possible ways to rekindle your closeness because you love her very much (-say all of the above in your own words). Share with her the things that you have tried to do to show her your love (such as the poetry and saving up for a house etc.). Next, let her share with you from her point of view and then fully discuss the items that each of you bring up. Also, discuss possible compromises that you can each feel comfortable with which would allow you both to move past these issues. Honest and respectful communication is vital in all relationships in order for the relationships to continue to grow and remain healthy.
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Hi, thank you for the advice but like I said before, we are in a long distance relationship and I can only visit her every 3 months. I was with her 2 weeks ago at her home and we had some serious talk about the problems but it didn't seem to fix anything. Now it got even worse because she wouldn't even want to hear me out. She doesn't want to discuss about the problems, she never did and always try to ignore all the problems while I'm the opposite. When we hit a hard road, she would want to turn around and run away while I want to pull her closer and get over it. At those time, I always feel like we play the hide and seek game. We had a talk this morning and I talked about how we were in the beginning, telling her I wanted to go back to our happiest and promise to better myself for her and for our own relationship but she refused to talk to me and said she wanted to see it, no more talking. Then I tried to turn the topic into something more fun, something we always enjoyed talking about, and she got mad and told me to leave her alone. I am so confused. I don't know what can I do to make it right anymore.
(A side note: if the two of you have web cams you could video chat for free via Skype and at least be able to see each other). Based on all that you have written, it appears that you have given her 150% while she is only giving you 50%. Unfortunately, there is nothing more you can do because she needs to be willing to talk to you and to open up; it takes two to make a relationship work and you have been the only one doing the work in this relationship which is not fair to you. I know this is very hard for you, but I would consider the possibility of giving her even more time and space to see if she will at least come around and be willing to talk to you at a later. While you are giving her time and space, focus your energy on other areas of interest to you. I don't think you should continue to give her 150% when she is not doing the same. Ultimately, this will burn you out and you deserve to have her give as much as you are to this relationship. You cannot fix it alone, she must be willing to contribute and you deserve to have her be willing to contribute.
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