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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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Hi, I have been married for 13 years. I had 4 children from

Customer Question


I have been married for 13 years. I had 4 children from my first marriage and my husband had 3 from his first marriage. He received custody of his children so we raised all 7 children. All are on there own except the last one.
My problem is this In 1998 my husband got hurt in an offshore accident. He is now disabled with a back injury. I know that he hurts daily but I feel that he could help me out some at home with the chores and discipline. Everyday, all day long all I hear is my back or my foot hurts. I am not trying to be unsympathetic but I am at the point that I can't take hearing that on a daily basis. It is driving me crazy. He will take daily naps of 6-7 hours a day and then go back to sleep at 10:00 p.m.(And yes he is on an antidepressant).
Well I feel if he can push himself (which he does) to enjoy hunting, fishing, and coaching children in boxing. Then why when I need help he hurts too much and just stays in bed.? This is just one problem of many.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 7 years ago.

Hello there! I can definitely understand why you would be so frustrated, and it boils down to this: if he can push himself doing the activities that he wants to do, such as hunting, fishing, boxing, and etc., then he should be able to help you do little things around the house occasionally. From what you say, it seems like he may be using his disability as an excuse to get out of doing the things he does not feel like doing. I am sure that he does hurt, but making you happy and keeping his marriage healthy should be one of those things that he "wants" to do, and it seems a bit unreasonable that after 12 years of this pain, he wouldn't find some way to cope with it for a couple hours a day. You are his wife, not his nurse. If he is unresponsive in your discussions with him about this, then perhaps it's time to consider a trial separation? This is no way to live your life.


I wish you the best of luck. :-)

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 7 years ago.
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