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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience:  n/a
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hi, i am insecure about myself! my girlfriend is always yelling

Customer Question

hi, i am insecure about myself! my girlfriend is always yelling at me and has something to say about everything i do! she said his is how she shows her love to me, because she cares about me, but i tell her all the time that it hurts me because im so insecure and weak! how can i make this better?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 7 years ago.
I am sorry for this difficult time you are going through. First and foremost please know that it takes two to make a relationship work so your girlfriend's statement to change your ways first and then she will change her ways is backwards. You both need to change the things in your relationship together that you would like to change. You will be able to begin to feel more secure when your girlfriend makes you feel appreciated and wanted instead of always yelling at you and criticizing you (-again both of you at the same time taking action, thereby causing you both to have a positive cause and effect action on each other). Don't allow your girlfriend to blame you for things, each of you should be equally accountable to one another. I would recommend scheduling a time to talk to your girlfriend when you both will be undisturbed (-for example: maybe go to the park, or a restaurant, etc.) and honestly share the above things you have written with her. In a calm and loving tone be sure to let her know how her yelling at you and criticizing you all makes you feel neglected, unloved, and very hurt. Then give her a chance to respond. After she responds finish asking each other whatever questions you may have and then let her know that you would like for both of you to come up with a compromise for working on your insecurities so that you both can have quality time together without her yelling at you and criticizing you. Both of you share possible answers to resolve this concern, for example: when she feels that you are being insecure about something she can lovingly point it out without being boisterous and condescending and then you can both discuss how you could change your behavior so that it does not happen again. Discuss possible options such as the above with each other and decide on a compromise that makes you both feel good, respected, and valued. Honesty and communication are two essential ingredients in order for a relationship to continue to grow and remain healthy. Also, a book I recommended to my clients dealing with the same situation which they found helpful, can be found by clicking here: