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Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience:  Extensive experience fostering family relationships through consultation / counseling.
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Hi, I am 25 living away from my home country, studyin two courses,

Resolved Question:

Hi, I am 25 living away from my home country, studyin two courses, workin full time, cleaning the house, helping my best friend with looking after her children, helping financially my younger brother, and my bf ( same age) was helping me with everything and then he started havin some money problems which he is blaming for everything! He has a good job and it is his fault he has no money. We are together 2.5 years and living together. I have to do everything in the house all he does is playin his games and smoking weed after his work. I have started experiencing some health problems apparently stress related.. It is makin my life much harder ( i was always healthy etc) . Moreover , I am homesick, constanty tired and i have even stop goin out ( dont know why) , i have so much to do for work, and studyin and I dont feel his support at all. He clamis to love me but he shows no attention at all! he is not interested even in having a sex with me more than twice a month . I am tellin him I need some attention etc. and that we need to go out but he always said he has no money ( ha cannot save) and i am earning less than him and its me buying food for both of us especially recently.

I feel tired, unhappy, I am cryin everyday even without a reason, I am desperate for someone that will show me attention and just give me a cuddle. WHen was at my GP to speak about my health problems like IBS, Hemoroids etc. i was goin to tell her that i think i need to see a counselor but was scared to do so and havent done it.
I tried to make an private appointment but it is around £50-60/hour and i know i will need more than one meeting and simply cannot afford it..

What is worse, it has happened to me to have suicidal thoughts. I told him about it but he said i should not be even sayin things like this.

I wanted to move out but i have so many things goin on in my life just now like dissertation to write , working on large contract at work and I just dont have enough of power to do it now. We have a pet together as well and its so hard to find a place where they let you have pets.

I love him but at the same time i know he is not a right person for me.. I was trying to understand all this cos he is down - having no money ( he crashed his friends car and had to pay it back and he cannot save) so we are no goin anywhere anymore and we used to all the time! I know he is tired after workin all day but what about me?
I would love to have a family and be happy with him but i know that if he will not start bein like he used to be it will never happen. I think it is just smokin weed and not being able to save up money is making him so lazy and not willing to do anything.

I think i need help myself but all i do is tryin to change our relationship in order to be happy. Am I wrong???
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jennifer replied 7 years ago.
Hello and thanks for using!

It sounds like you've done what you can by addressing the situation with him repeatedly. At some point you need to come to terms with the possibility that he'll never change and if this isn't a relationship that makes you happy it's time to move on. You're not his parent, yet somehow he seems to be ok with you in that role (doing everything in the house, paying for groceries) and it doesn't sound like he's giving anything in return. Who is taking care of you?? You deserve a relationship that provides you with love, attention, honesty, open communication, respect, and support. You won't find it as long as you're in a relationship that makes you unhappy and doesn't seem to have the potential to change.

I'd recommend you call the counselor again. Ask if he has a sliding fee scale (allows clients to pay based upon what they are able) or if he/she can recommend someone who does. There are counselors who provide services at free / reduced cost. If that counselor doesn't know of any, contact your doctor. They may have a list of counselors they think highly of who could contact. The thoughts and feelings you're describing indicate you're sliding into a depressed state and it's important that you get some help.

In the meantime, I'd recommend you begin calling on whatever friends / family you have in your support system. Spend some time talking to loved ones about all of this -- ask if you can rely on them for help if you need them (to move you out, stay with them for a few days, whatever you might need). Don't be afraid to tell them how stressed and unhappy you've been and that you could really use some support.

If you feel like hurting yourself again, you need to seek help right away. Based upon your mention of pounds, I'm assuming you're in the UK. Here's a list of helplines in the UK that might be useful for you:

Feel free to call even if you just need to talk -- That's what they're there for. Many of them may be helpful in pointing you in the right direction as far as community resources as well.

Take care of yourself!
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