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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  n/a
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My ex is completely confusing me. We had been dating for three

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My ex is completely confusing me. We had been dating for three years and now have been broke up for almost 3 months. But the most we have went without talking is two days (well mostly Text Msg). I am so confused, because one day he doesn't know what he wants and doesn't want to be together, and the next he misses me and wants me to come down for the weekend. We live four hours apart (I haven't seen him since Feb 14, we broke up Jan 15). He gets very upset with me because most times when we talk i end up asking about if there will ever be an "us" again. Then he gets mad won't talk to me for awhile. Ever since the break up he goes out all the time, which he didn't not do much when we were dating. I have seen pictures of him with another girl on facebook at a party which for me they were to close i thought, but i dont know if it was anything or not. He claims he doesn't want anyone and has not met anyone. I just don't know what to do, I am having a difficult time letting go, and i don't know if i should just cut all contact, or keep hoping he will come back.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 7 years ago.
Based on what you have written, it seems as if your ex only wants your friendship at this time and nothing more. This could be why he gets angry when you ask if there will ever be us again. I would suggest just enjoying your friendship with your ex unless you find that it is too difficult because of how you feel for him. If it is too difficult, then you will need to force yourself to cut off contact with him until you can get to the point where you can simply enjoy your friendship with him (-also if you do this be sure to explain to your ex that you will be doing this so that he is not left wondering why the two of you don't communicate). With this in mind, you should enjoy yourself and your time out with others (-flirt if you want to) without worrying about how he will react because he is your ex and you are now single.
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Do you think he would ever possibly come back? If he isn't coming back, then i know i cannot just be friends with him at this point. It hurts to know what he is doing, and i can't move on. I have already been struggling to let him go for the past two months so is there any advice that you have for forgetting about him or making this easier for me, or do you think I should stay in contact incase he wants to rekindle things?. I feel sad constantly and can't seem to get him off my mind.
Expert:  Angela replied 7 years ago.
Based on his current actions it does not seem as if he would be coming back since he's already going out with other girls, however, I guess he could come back if he finds that the girls he is dating are not the ones for him. I think you should break off contact with him because of how deeply you care about him and since you wrote that you can't handle being just friends. However, before you do, explain to him why you will break off all contact with him. It is only natural for you to feel sad and hurt because you still want him in your life so in order to start the healing process after you have explained to him why you will no longer be in contact with him, focus your energy on things that make you feel good. Of course he will still come to your mind because of how deeply you still care for him, however, you must begin to balance how much you allow yourself to think about him. Balance how much you allow yourself to think about him with meditation in order to relax your mind and to focus it on something else. Meditate about something which brings you peace. For example: visualizing gentle ocean waves as the sun bounces over them and imagining the sound of the waves gently reaching the you continue to meditate on this and to be fully present with this meditation you will be able to balance your thoughts and to focus on peaceful and soothing things which will further allow the healing process to begin. Also, surround yourself with a positive support group of people who will vow to help you move forward and to heal by listening to you when you need to talk about him and then helping you to focus on something peaceful and to move your thoughts forward. Writing in a journal is also helpful to accomplish this because it allows you to express your hurts, frustrations, and etc. and then follow up writing in your journal with meditation. Finally, begin to do something that you have wanted to do but never had the time to do, such as a hobby you like, or maybe take a class in a subject purely for fun, and etc. It will take some time, however, if you follow the above steps, you will eventually be healed of your hurt and able to move on.
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