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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  n/a
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can u tell if one is gay

Resolved Question:

i'm a female, I,m married with 3 children, and i,m having a lesbien affair, she has 4 children married but seperated. after about 12 weeks i felt guilty about what i was doing by this time we had slept together on a few occassions, so i told my husband who didn't take it very well at first. then he said if he gets involved it would be okay. so thats was okay for a bit, but now he gets angry shouts and has hits me in front of the kids if i dont give him sex, he wants sex from her too, he text her all the time talking dirty, he doesn,t know that she shows me the texts. i feel disgusted with my self, i hate my self for bringing her between my marriage,because my marriage had problems well b4 she came into my life. and i should have sorted it out, but instead i was looking for something, that i probably was lacking at home. now my mom knows and she wants to disown me becaus of what i am, and he keeps telling me he will tell everyone that i,m a dirty lesbein slag. and he will tell everyone that i have ruined his life.
she wants to sell her home for us to start a life. but i cant and wont make her do that i feel ihave messed up enough, no , i know i have ruined her life and my own. all i want to do is end everything, get away some how, where i wont harm or ruin anyone life and now one can be disgusted with me
Submitted: 7 years ago via Answerly.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 7 years ago.
I am sorry for this difficult situation you are going through. First, please know that you can call: 1-800-273-8255 anytime to confidentially speak to a crisis counselor and I would advise you to do so right away so that you can verbally receive emotional support and help. Second, regardless of your sexual orientation, you should not be ashamed of it because it is who you are. Also, your husband is being manipulative and selfish by saying it's okay to have sex with the woman as long as he can also have sex and that if you don't have sex he will tell everyone etc.- this is horrible and not a healthy relationship and I hope you realize this. You need to think about is this the type of marriage you want to be in since it is unhealthy. Also, he hits you in front of the children? This is terrible and domestic violence and harms you and your children especially since domestic violence is a learned behavior (-I don't want your kids to see this and think that it is okay because it is not okay and it is dangerous for you and your kids). I worked as a domestic violence crisis counselor so what you described is a red flag for me, therefore, at anytime you can always get in touch with a domestic violence crisis counselor and possibly go to a shelter right away. Just in case you want to call, here is the phone number for the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1−800−799−SAFE(7233). Domestic violence shelters will usually allow you to bring your kids with you as well. If you call the domestic violence number or the crisis hotline, do so when he is not at home and then erase the number from your phone, caller id, and from your redial button. I think right now what you need to do is to take some time and be alone so that you can think and decide what you want going forward in light of everything you are dealing with. So definitely call the above phone numbers in the way that I described.
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