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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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I am a 47 yr old male and my fiance is 45, we have been together

Customer Question

I am a 47 yr old male and my fiance is 45, we have been together for 18 months. The issue at hand is, she has maintained verbal, text, email and causual meetings. There are 3 men in particular the she has had long term relatoinships with in the past, ranging from 20 years ago to 10 years ago. I do not feel that she has a physical relationship with them, but I do feel that there is no loyalty to our commited relationship. I have asked her to terminate one relationship and when she called the guy she told him she couldnt talk to him anymore because I was being an ass, basically throwing me under the bus. There communication did not stop. The final straw was when we were in hawaii 2 weeks ago for her birthday and the one guy cals her to say he is thinking about her and happy bday. She didnt tell me about this , I accidentally overheard her.

My question: I have asked to terminate this behaviour, she wont do it with any conviction and is mad at me for it. "What do you think Doc"?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 7 years ago.

Good Morning,


From an objective person, it seems that these are some issues -

1. Her disrespect to comply with your request

2. Your desire for her to halt contact with these men


From her stand point, she may feel that her sense of autonomy is being stifled

On your end, you feel that she should not keep contact with them (Now, this becomes the thing with which you have to come to terms with- figuring out what about her keeping in touch with them is upsetting you. You've mentioned that you do not believe that she's being unfaithful. Then, is it an issue of male pride, underlying insecurity, etc. Once you figure out what the trigger is, the two of you can start to deal with the issues.

This problem can be due to lack of communication (either partner not knowing what the other's feelings are and why they feel this way.)