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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  n/a
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In the past year my wife and I have lost a child and she has

Customer Question

In the past year my wife and I have lost a child and she has been diagnosed with 2 primary cancers. Recently she told me she has only a platonic relationship for me and that she wants a divorce once she is in remission. I how my wife and 5 year old son and have been in counseling with her. Any auggestions?

My wife says she has been planning this for 5 years.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 7 years ago.
Hello J,
I am sorry for this difficult time that you are going through with your wife. Based upon what you have written, it sounds as if your wife has made her mind up to move on once her cancer is in remission and that she is not willing to change it (-especially since you have both been in counseling). Therefore, what I would suggest, especially since she has been planning this for 5 years, is to begin to discuss with her the divorce details and what each of you would like to occur pertaining to all of the divorce details (-such as custody, etc.). Also, I would recommend for you to remain in counseling alone so that your counselor can continue to help you deal with this major life changing event while also providing you with some emotional support. Be sure to discuss with your counselor how you feel about all of this (-for example: if you question whether you should just divorce your wife now, talk about it in counseling). Talk about all of your feelings (-anger, frustration, etc.) with your counselor and decide what you will do concerning the issues that you bring up. Lastly, I would also recommend searching for a support group in your area that you can attend comprised of others who are dealing with the same situation. Dealing with cancer is traumatic enough but knowing that your wife plans on leaving you when it is in remission is even more traumatic. This is why I recommend remaining in counseling for yourself and then also going to a support group. A support group will give you a different type of emotional support than you will get from counseling because the members of your support group will be actively dealing with the same situation as you are.

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