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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  n/a
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I moved and left school, friends and my brother and moved to

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I moved and left school, friends and my brother and moved to where my husband live when I got married to him 3 months ago. the 1 months was good. I was bymyself all day long except some afternoons and Sundays lately.. I started work so I couldn't wait for him at nite as always so I start to go to sleep before he gets home but he always comes to my room andkiss me and sometimes stayed for few mnts before he leaves the room. my husband doesn't like to sleep early. 3 or 4 am that's the hrs he goes to bed . we can have sex then he goes watch tv or finish his homework before we got married he promessed me he will try to go to bed little bit early with me..he did try of course first month for few days. .he also stop sending me sweet messages like he used to do before I moved. ..all this got mad plus I felt so lonely far from everybody and him with gets angry or moody for everything too I get angry I should admit..but I was excepting as he will treat me and spoild me littlle be..but NO NO NO ..IF I GET MAD HE 'LL GET TWICE...AND ON ON he barley talk to me and when I tried to bring the subject about what's going wrong..he told if I keep this attitude it won't be a futurre to this relation an dI tried to tell him all i needed was ur attention and if i really meant or the words and caring u showed me and which made me take all this trip ..exist..maybe Im choosing the wrong way to expresse it but he never asked me what's wrong with me he always gets an attitude even now when I start sending him nice messages he barley answer or he doesn't telling me one day when I asked him why u didn't answer my message he said there is some much to talk about and I did so much and I did disrespect him and on on ..I told we need to talk about it because I have so much too...he said he doesn't have time he has homeworks to do..what should do.?? he became so cold with me...and for 3 months for me it 's too soon to this to happened.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 7 years ago.
Hello J,
I am sorry that things are going this way for you especially in a new marriage. I know you have tried to talk to him before, however, I think you need to talk to him once again after you make some decisions on your own. I think you should decide if you are willing to stay in a marriage like this- a marriage where your husband is not satisfying your needs (emotionally, physically, and so forth). If you decide to stay in this marriage please know that based on his behavior you will continue to feel frustrated, neglected, etc. unless he chooses to change his behavior towards you (-also I am not suggesting that you leave your marriage, I am only stating the facts based upon what you have written). On the other hand, you could try to talk to him again and explain to him once again the seriousness of your situation: how you are feeling neglected and unappreciated etc. and that he must talk with you about this so that you can both come up with compromises that you both can agree on in order for your marriage to last. You have to make sure that he understands the seriousness of this situation and that you will not continue on in this manner so he must be willing to talk and to work with you through these issues. Again, you both need to talk about the issues and come up with compromises that you can both agree to, explain this to him and then ask him does he understand the seriousness of your situation. If you both do not work on your issues and compromise in ways you both agree on, then there is no way for your marriage to last in a healthy and respectful manner (-this is the honest truth).
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Hi Angela, we did talk last nite. He was very uspset against me. he said I made him feel like nobody, made him feel like a shit...I didn't appreciate nothing he did for. me. he also added that he did every single thing i asked for. whcih is true. ..the way he said it to me feels like I forced him to marry me that time...also he told he came up with a decision that he will only take care of himself and he won't do any effort..because he doesn't get appreciated..I told him sorry if u felt that way it wasn't in my attention all I needed was ur care and ur love and if I acted badly u could stop me in a nice way and asked me what's wrong with me not to be made more thatn I went to sleep ,, he stayed up studying or i DON'T KNOW TILL 4 OK...WHAT SHOULD i REALLY DO
Expert:  Angela replied 7 years ago.
I am sorry his response was like this. However, the only way your marriage will work and have a chance at being healthy is through communication. Therefore, give him some time and space to cool off and once again try to talk to him. Start by telling him how you feel about him. Tell him that the problems and misunderstandings that you are both having, you are sorry for them and you would like to discuss and work through with him and compromise in ways you both can agree to. Tell him that you would like his ideas on how you both can work through the concerns together in order for your marriage to be healthy and fulfilling for both of you. Unfortunately, there is no way to get around having him discuss these things with you because it takes two to make a marriage work. If he is still unwililng to work on your marriage, you cannot force him to, however, you could continue to wait on him to be willing to discuss and work on the concerns. If going to a counselor is an option you could present that to him as well. He will need to discuss the issues in your marriage with you and to work on your problems together, this is the only way a marriage can have a chance at surviving and being healthy.
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