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Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience:  Extensive experience fostering family relationships through consultation / counseling.
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I am not sure where to begin...i was engaged to someone who

Customer Question

I am not sure where to begin...i was engaged to someone who I thought was the love of my life. we have 2 children oldest being 2 and I just recently found out I was pregnant. He went away with his mom for 4 weeks and when he came back, walked into the house and said he was unhappy and just walked away. he has been over twice to see the children and once when he took them both for about 7 hours for my eldest daughter's birthday. Since then he has had little contact...only to write back to me saying that he will give a letter to give me permission to travel...I am so very situationally "depressed", I am not sure how to move on from here...any suggestions?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jennifer replied 7 years ago.
Hello and thanks for using!

I'm really sorry to hear about this situation. I think your description of being situationally depressed is actually pretty accurate -- You're having great difficulty with the adjustment to this new situation.

First of all, I'd suggest you identify who your support system is and begin calling on them for help. Call them when you need someone to talk to, invite them over when you're feeling lonely, and don't be afraid to ask for some help (childcare, housework, etc.) when you simply need an extra pair of hands.

Then begin addressing your needs and what you must do to move forward. It would be helpful for you to look into counseling. Counseling is a safe place to share feelings and work toward your goals under the guidance of a professional. They can help to identify if you're truly depressed and what can be done to alleviate those feelings. Typically, this is done through some cognitive behavioral therapy. In severe cases, medication can be helpful as well.

In the meantime, begin journaling. Writing down your feelings may help you to sort through them all. Rereading pages later allows you to reflect on the progress you're making and the changes you see in yourself over time.

For a time, you may have to make a point of making plans to do things that you enjoy (even if you don't feel like doing them and they're not as enjoyable as they used to be). Getting out there and being active is very good for you. Be sure to take care of yourself physically (rest, nutrition, exercise) as those are things we easily lose sight of when we're feeling down.

You deserve someone who is committed to you and loves you / your children unconditionally. He was obviously not that person and you deserve better.