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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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I need to know if my boyfriend is using me. Outside the bedroom

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I need to know if my boyfriend is using me. Outside the bedroom he is affectionate and always holding my hand. He does seem to want to take me out much socially even though he has little money but does work he could take me out. I arrange meals out. He comes home slobs out in his jogging pants and wants to watch films with me. He does not iniate sex since I move in. He kisses me but not passionately wants to make love only with me on the top. Does very little foreplay. He receives oral sex but only want to do that to me if he is receiving it at the same time. I feel he is very selfish and frustrated by his lack of sexual interest and will only do it on an evening and never on a morning which I like as he says he likes to get up. I fancy him all the time. Before I moved in he wanted to take me to bed in the afternoon and made approaches. He wants me to go to bed naked as he thinks this signifies I want sex. i feel it is sex and not making love. I wish he could love me.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 7 years ago.

Good Morning,


It sounds like he is having sexual issues (that does not necessarily mean he does not love you) What you are wanting it seems is more romance in the relationship, more affection and quality time. He is either aloof (since you're with him he does not feel that he should go the extra mile to romance you) or he may be even depressed (that can cause low libido, not wanting to socialite much, lack of interest in activities, etc)


If you have not told him how you feel and what you think, do so directly. Men are not very good at being given hints. Tell him specifically what you enjoy, what you'd like to do etc. Even if it is going out for a cup of coffee to break the routine he's too comfortable with.


If you feel unhappy, let him know (not in a blaming way; just point out what you just shared in your post) Think about if there had ever been a time when things were different/better. He may not be capable of being any other way and you'd have to think if it is worth your time and frustration to go on like this.

Customer: replied 7 years ago.

Can you answer the question about oral sex. He only wants to do this if he is recieving at the same time. before I moved in he treated in the bedroom in just the way I like and now he does not seem to want to. I could understand if he had never been that way but he has. He says he loves me. Why is he not inspired now? I have told him how I feel. He says his past girlfriends must have been inexperienced. I am trying to be tactful but its like he is a teenager although we had sex almost everyday after I moved in.


Do men not know what women want? I am wrong to think he is too lazy to make love fully and wants me to do all the work i.e. laying back and recieving oral sex and not making love on top saying he cant as he cant get a grip!!I am trying to be patient but feel he is just making excuses and cant be bothered.

Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 7 years ago.

Most men do not know what women want (they need to be told)


As far as the oral sex, it may be just what he is used to (and may enjoy it more) Unless he has some kind of a back problem, there should be no reason that he can not have intercourse in other positions (and of course you probably are getting bored from the same routine)


You will have to show him what feels good to you and then ask that he pleases you now just himself. Some people are more selfish in the bedroom and once they are satisfied don't feel like doing anything for their partner.

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