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Anna, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1945
Experience:  29 years experience in addictions & mental health. I'll tell you my honest opinion.
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Hi, I m a 25 male student and have a female friend of 50 years

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I´m a 25 male student and have a female friend of 50 years old with whom I have contact daily, as we live in one same house. I feel some sexual tension between us at times. Normally when I go out and have dinner with her or at other times of more intense contact. There come some sexual-tinted jokes from my side and her side as well. This has lasted for nearly 2 years now. Despite the difference in age I do like her and feel attracted to her, but I prefer to keep her as a friend to keep things simple. I think she wants me as a good friend, but why does she continue with provocative jokes? She once even asked me “shall we make some kids?” I didn’t find it funny. The next day she tells me she likes to joke around and I shouldn’t take things seriously, adding that she says these things to make me more “man”… I didn’t get in conflict with her, but 5 months have passed since this and I´m starting to hate her for what she said.
My question is: what does she want from me? And if it´s not sex she wants why these provocative jokes? I mean, I´m sure with her age and experience she knows I feel attracted to her (I do try to hide that though). So if she knows that, why would she put me in such an awkward position? She calls me “son” a lot of times and likes to kiss me on the cheek or hug me, but that combined with some sexual-tinted jokes so now and then, just doesn’t seem fine to me.
Would welcome some advice.

Hey John,

You most certainly are getting mixed messages from her, and frankly, it's pretty icky. I think she's a gal with poor interpersonal boundaries and she lets slip with her fantasy life sometimes. I'm sure she's hoping you bust a move on her, but don't for a minute think that would work - it would end the relationship. I suspect that you're more mature than she is. But, make no mistake: she is flirting with you and it is inappropriate and out of bounds. You don't want to be part of some incestuous overtoned FWB situation, but she might.

The Truth is Said in Jest

I'd recommend backing down a bit and avoiding eye contact. Don't spend alot of time hanging out and being available to her, and watch your boundaries, since she's testing them. She isn't joking.

My best to you.

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Customer: replied 7 years ago.

Hi Anna!


Indeed, mixed messages... She already said things like "go find a girlfriend" or other cold stuff but then contradicts with "dont you have an older brother?" or "petty I´m too old for you", etc. Something I havent metioned yet is that she has a boyfriend of her age but lives in another country and sees him not that often. Oh and then again she gives another "hint" by saying "my boyfriend knows I´m alone most of the time and doesnt bother if I would have another guy". She also likes to mention her boyfriend at good moments I have with her, and usually positively exagerates about him. Most probably to make me feel jealous I suspect.


To be honest I dont mind to have a FWB relationship with her and maybe because it is the best option I have; I do feel attracted to her so it would be easier to just go for it than trying ignoring her or keep strictly friendship with her. Okay, it would implicate certain things. First of all, I have more with her than a fwb relationship would typically implicate. Secondly, I live in the same house as she does, I actually rent a room from her (we are about 5 of us in total: 4 students and she - the 50 year old house owner) so things might get a bit out of control seeing her day in day out. Lastly (I didnt mention this yet), I know her boyfriend personally; he comes so now and then and I have good contact with him.


I dont consider the boyfriend thing such a big barrier though, even knowing him personally.


I dont find it easy to just be friends with her but I miss the balls to make a move. I have got no idea what kind of approach I should use in this case. Primarly because I dont even really know what she wants, thats what pisses me off.


Next time she hugs and kisses me as if I were her child should I get angry? Should I clear things out and tell her that I find it hard being just friends?


You´re a great help, thanks!



Honestly...I just think you shouldn't go there. You'll regret the weirdness, and there will be plenty of it. How many others is she doing this to? Don't think with your pants on something like this. Know what else??? At 25, you don't want to be messing with a 50 year old woman. Trust me on this.

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