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Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience:  Extensive experience fostering family relationships through consultation / counseling.
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About six months ago I learned that my 52 year old husband

Resolved Question:

About six months ago I learned that my 52 year old husband of 23 years had been having a four year affair with a 29 year old woman. My husband is an attractive firefighter/paramedic and the woman is a ER nurse at a hospital at which he delivers patients. She is married and has two young children. The relationship seems to have consisted mainly of phone calls (2500 minutes per month, many calls around midnight) and texting (all day, every day). I don't know if there was physical contact but suspect that there probably was.

My husband and I met and started dating in high school (1976) and married in 1986. We have two wonderful children ages 21 and 18. I am reasonably attractive (5'9", 130 lbs.) and a successful businesswoman.

I was completely blind sided by this relationship and although my husband says he longer has contact with the woman (in fact, she won't speak to him), I can't seem to get over it. It haunts me everyday. Where can I get help?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jennifer replied 7 years ago.
Hello and thanks for using!

First of all, I'm so sorry to hear you've been through this. Learning to trust someone after an affair is not an easy task. I would suggest that you look into counseling -- both individual and couples counseling. The individual work will help you explore how this experience has affected you emotionally and what you can do to cope. Couples counseling is a safe place for you both to share feelings and work toward common goals with the guidance of a counselor. The counselor may help you both to identify whether there is anything missing from your relationship that you want to work toward and/or compromises you may need to make in order to feel fulfilled.

You're looking for a mental health therapist, marriage and family counselor, or psychologist who does both individual and couples counseling. You could do a simple search in the yellow pages or Google those titles along with the name of your city. Another option may be to contact your medical doctor -- They often refer patients to mental health clinics / private practitioners they trust. I wish you the best of luck with all of this!
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