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Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience:  Extensive experience fostering family relationships through consultation / counseling.
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Customer Question

how do i get my husband to be more romantic. he doesnt buy me anything, he never takes me out?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jennifer replied 7 years ago.
Hello and thanks for using!

Have you spoken to your husband about how romance is something that is important to you? Perhaps it's time to sit down and talk about the fact that there will always be something the two of you can strive toward to strengthen your relationship. Ask him if there's anything he needs from you as well. He may be more willing to do what you ask if you're willing to meet his needs as well. Be honest with him about why these things are important to you. Are you hoping for validation of his affection? Want to feel special? Whatever the reason, explain why and how those things would help.

You could even challenge him by asking if he'd be willing to do participate in a week of romance to kick-start the idea -- Both of you would need to come up with something romantic each day. By this I certainly don't mean you have to go out and by something daily. This could even be a note on the bathroom mirror, a text message during the day that says you miss him, or a small token (less than a few dollars -- favorite candy?) just to show you were thinking of him during the day. Ask if he'd be willing to do the same for you to get the ball rolling. The idea isn't that you'd then continue to do these things every day, but to remind each other of how good it feels when you do (both as the giver and the recipient).

Additionally, you could start making a habit of date night. Perhaps you go out together weekly or just 2x / month. Take turns planning your date nights so that 1/2 the time the evening will be a surprise. It sounds silly, but you may need to put it on your calendar just as you would an important business meeting. It's easy to get caught up in other things and forget how important it is to plan a night out as a couple! I wish you the best of luck and hope these ideas are helpful to you!