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Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience:  Extensive experience fostering family relationships through consultation / counseling.
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My college student lives in a rental house I own in an area

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My college student lives in a rental house I own in an area of town that is unsafe safe for a 20 year female to live alone. At the time i agreed to allow her to move in she had a room mate. Which she has had many but can't seem to get along with anyone. She is now living in the house alone and I lay awake at night in fear of her safety. Her father initially indicated that he would financially assist in relocating our daughter to a safer place however that has since changed. The financial responsibility/burden and safety issues I bear alone. I have ask my daughter to move back home temporiarly until we can afford for her to live independently but she refuses and says she would rather live on the streets or out of her car before she will move back home. And if she were forced to move home she would make our lives a living hell. Which she is totally capable! Maintaining a relationship with her for the last year has been a real struggle and I am tired of fighting. Please advise
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jennifer replied 7 years ago.
Hello and thanks for using!

It sounds as though your daughter is wanting to exert some independence despite the effect it is having on your relationship with one another or her safety.

I would recommend you invite your daughter over for an honest conversation about what your concerns are. You'll be more successful if you treat her as an adult and try to respect her decisions. Present to her the fact that you are concerned for her safety and for your relationship. Ask her what she needs and listen carefully. Then explain what you need from her and see if there is a way to find a compromise on the issue. Perhaps you can make a plan that includes a timeline for when she will find a new roommate and over a period of time you'll both save to enable her to move to a safer area of town. In the meantime, what safety measures could be taken to increase her safety and make you more comfortable?

Ultimately, you are her mother and the owner of the house. Don't be afraid to tell her that if she fails to follow through with her part of the negotiation (e.g., finding a roommate, beginning to save money to be used for moving) then you may be forced to ask her to move out. Would you be willing to sell the rental house? Or rent it out to someone else? Perhaps that income could then be used to help her relocate. Just a thought...

Frame all of this within the context of how important her safety is to you and how much you want to maintain a close relationship free of tension and arguments.
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Thank you Jennifer... you were very helpful.. It's amazing how much clearer things seem when you get another perspective....
Expert:  Jennifer replied 7 years ago.
You're very welcome! Come back anytime. Please click "accept" if you found all of this helpful and have a good day! :)
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