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Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience:  Extensive experience fostering family relationships through consultation / counseling.
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My wife confessed to me over the weekend that for the past

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My wife confessed to me over the weekend that for the past three months she has had a "text messaging/phone" relationship with another guy she met via facebook. Upon checking records she talked with him more than me throughout the day, even when we were trying to spend time together. She confessed that it got out of hand since the guy was texting her at all hours, from out of town and while he was out with his friends. He went as far as insuniating that they get together for lunch. She said it was at that point that she got scared and needed to cut it off. She mentioned that the reason it got that far was because this guy reminded her about her daughter's father and how it use to be 15 yrs ago. This daugher is my step daughter for the record. My question is, I dont trust her right now even though she never actually even met this guy that I know of, is this ok what I feel or should I be grateful at what occured and just put it behind us ? Her best friend assured me she never met the guy
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jennifer replied 7 years ago.
Hello and thanks for using!

What your feeling is normal. Although she didn't officially cheat on you, it's understandable that you feel somewhat emotionally betrayed. I'm very happy the relationships stopped where it did and that she's been honest with you about the ordeal.

What I'd recommend now is that you begin having some open, honest conversations about what it will take for you to feel you can trust her again. Ask what she needs from you (as far as whether there is anything missing from your relationship that she was seeking elsewhere) and come to a compromise on what you can do together to strengthen your relationship. This may be best done in a counseling setting. Couples counseling is a safe place to share feelings and reach your goals as a couple with the guidance of a professional.

Rest assured that all is not lost -- If you're both willing to work toward making changes in the relationship to rebuild your trust, you may even be stronger together when all is said and done.
Customer: replied 7 years ago.


By couple counseling do you feel it is a must ? My wife explained all of it, in fact I asked all the questions I wanted of her and she answered truthfully. I have checked her phone records and when she said it ended it did. She states that she loves me and her family to much to go through with cheating, because she knows it will end our marriage and destroy the family.


She recognizes how wrong the behavior was and how she just enjoyed the flirting that was going on> My wife mentioned that when the guy stated "so you feel neglected ? I think its time to meet." Thats when it hit her how dangerous this behavior was and she wrote to him an apology for leading him on and reminding him that she was a mother and wife and happy to be so. When he requested that they continue texting she said absolutely not. "Whatever is going on here I cannot allow myself to fall for nor investigate what if with you in this manner. Do not call nor text me again" She showed me the message.


All of this leads me to believe that she made a mistake. The guy's phone is blocked from her cell and she proceeded to erase it from her contact list.


Are we ok ?

Expert:  Jennifer replied 7 years ago.
If you're asking if counseling is the only way to save the relationship, the answer is no. I think counseling can be incredibly beneficial in this case, but I certainly don't think your relationship won't survive without it. Couples make it through incredible hurdles over the course of their lives -- sometimes with and sometimes without any guidance from a counselor. One reason I feel it may be helpful to the two of you would be to explore the underlying reasons behind why your wife initiated this relationship and maintained it for so long. What was she getting out of it? How can you bring that element to your relationship?

It sounds like she's truly regretting what happened and trying to be open and honest with you about all of it. The difficult part will be trusting her entirely without feeling the need to check up on her online or texting activities. I am glad to hear she's blocked his number.

I would recommend you spend some time focusing on your relationship, what you both need, and what you can do to strengthen your bond. If not through counseling, then at the very least through open, honest communication with one another.
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