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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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As parents with a four day trip planned next week with our

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As parents with a four day trip planned next week with our daughter and son in law.. Our daughter confided to us that they had a fight last week. hurtful words were exchanged..
She told us 3 things that he said in anger to her. We are very upset and angry at him. Didn't sound like a happy husband to us. They had a fast romance and marriage. Only a year and half ago. They are opposites and he is a social partier with lots of drinking and wanting to stay out late and she is more of a earthy homebody with an old soul. She is 26 and he is 29. These were red flags that my daughter knew. He has remarked before that he is anxious and doesn't like to stay home alot. It's not that he wants to go without her, but he can't stay home much. I believe he feels somewhat trapped. He claims it is just the way boys are. We really don't feel like being around him now after this was told to us and don't look forward to the trip. I as a mother will show my disappointment and probably be cold to him.
Hello L,

It is only natural to feel the way that you do because your son in law's actions and words were painful to your daughter which naturally effects you. Therefore, your feelings are valid. In reference to the trip that you will take with them, please don't let his behavior cause you not to look forward to the trip. Instead, you should honestly discuss the situation with him, however, before you do, let your daughter know that you will have this discussion with him. Also, let her know that because you love her and she has told you these things that you want to deal with them in a healthy manner by talking to her husband about them. By doing this you, you would be true to yourself by discussing the situation with your son in law and you will be true to your daughter by explaining to her your reasons for needing to have the discussion. Also, you would be expressing your anger and disappointment in a healthy manner by communicating your feelings with your son in law versus repressing them or acting cold towards him. Therefore, start to think about what you will say to your son in law and about any questions you want to ask him. When you see him, calmly initiate the conversation with him and be sure that he understands that you would like to hear his side (-this way he could be more willing to talk and listen to you whereas, if you started the conversation by accusing him of things he could block you out and be unwilling to respond).
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