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Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience:  Extensive experience fostering family relationships through consultation / counseling.
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Ask Jennifer. Hi Jennifer I want to thankyou for all your

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Ask Jennifer. Hi Jennifer I want to thankyou for all your help but this relationship wont work. I was out with my niece, my mom, and my sister, and i got a text about going out with my gf and her brother and his gf. She said I didnt tell them yes so dont be mad at me. I texted her back not mad I just asked what night. Then she said I dont know. I need time to myself. So then I got another text saying she cares about me but needs space because she has been in a relationship for 20 years and has not yet had a chance to be single. I left her two vmails of how I am hurt. You dont tell somebody you are in love with them, you want to marry them, and have a kid with them and then dump them the next minute. please help what is going on?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jennifer replied 7 years ago.
I'm sorry to hear this... What a roller coaster you've been on!

I'm confused by her behavior as well. She seems to be jumping back and forth as far as what she's ready for, but the underlying message has been consistent -- She's not ready. She's demonstrated that to you through her insecurities already, but this is a pretty clear sign that she could use some space to find herself before she becomes part of another couple.

Perhaps the timing of this one is just so off that it can't work now at all. I know you had hoped to keep things low-key until the divorce is finalized, but it sounds like you're both getting so emotionally involved that there's nothing low-key about it. I've mentioned before that it's hard to "backtrack" as far as relationships go.

It may be that when all is said and done, she'll contact you once again to see if you can have a fresh start. At that point, you may or may not want a relationship with her. Regardless, I think it might be good for both of you to take a step back from all of this. There's certainly been a lot of drama where it perhaps wasn't warranted and I know you've been reeling from it all. I know you care about her deeply, so I'm sorry this hasn't worked out. I do think she'd be in a much healthier place and have more to offer in time. However, I don't think you should simply sit around and wait. You might miss out on someone fantastic if you do. You deserve someone whose love for you doesn't come and go -- It may be this woman some time from now or it may be someone else. Either way you'll need to take a break to find out.
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