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Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience:  Extensive experience fostering family relationships through consultation / counseling.
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Ask Jennifer. Hi Jennifer. Today I was joking with my gf

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Ask Jennifer. Hi Jennifer. Today I was joking with my gf about my friend taking me to a concert fri night and then going out afterwards. She got really steamed at me and said I dont mind if you go but dont get mad at me if I do something when it comes up. Now I told her i was only kidding. I then asked her if it was ok to go out with my friends on fridays and she could spend time with her daughter so I can have her sat and sun. She did not like that idea because my friends are only concerned about hooking up and me helping them to achieve that. Basically she said if i am going to do that then why are we together. So she already told me that she wont blow her kids off which she shouldnt do but it does seem like she has the upper hand here. In other words if something comes up with her kids i need to accept it but if I want to do something with my friends there could be consequences. She does trust me so she says. Is there a way to handle this?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jennifer replied 7 years ago.
This is an interesting situation. She's holding the consequence over your head? What does she mean by "if I do something when it comes up?" Get mad? Do something to get even? Whatever she means, it doesn't sound good... It sounds like a threat that's coming from a place of insecurity for her.

She trusts you. So, she doesn't like the behavior of your friends? Tease that out... Ask what it is specifically that she's having a problem with when it comes to you going out with your friends. If it's the fact that they're single and you're not, remind her that you will ALWAYS have single friends (as will she). Although there are less of them as time goes on, there will always be eternal bachelors. What's important is your behavior. You don't need to help your friends hook up -- they can handle that on their own if that's their objective. If you're only going to spend time with friends, that shouldn't be an issue. Tell her it's important to you that she trust you. Also tell her that this "upper hand" leaves you feeling uncomfortable. Then ask, "What can we do about that?" Make this a team problem solving effort... It's not just her problem or yours.
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