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Jennifer
Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience:  Extensive experience fostering family relationships through consultation / counseling.
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Ask Jennifer. Yeah the timing is bad. Its like I have to

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Ask Jennifer. Yeah the timing is bad. Its like I have to wait for the first mess to be cleaned up before she can be free with me. She did say I met her at the worst possible time in her life but that she wants to be with me regardless. So I guess this is a different type of relationship. Heres the thing she def does not want me to go out with my single friends to a bar or club wo her. This past weekend we did go out both nights and both nights girls either grabbed my hand to dance or the wanted me to take theirs. Obviously I didnt but you could see that she was getting upset with that. So I know she cares a lot about me. But my friends cant expect for me to go out wo her. I am a little worried that if I blow them off too much and we dont work out then I have nothing. I am not insecure in the fact of our love for each other and how she cares for me but this situation sucks. I mean does it make sense not for her to stay over bec shes not divorced?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jennifer replied 7 years ago.
It makes sense if that's the limit of her comfort zone. Perhaps as this process moves along and she feels closer to having the divorce finalized then she'll be open to changing that. Whatever your compromises are now don't have to stay this way forever... You can revisit the discussion in a few months and see if she's open to more -- particularly if you feel like you need more to maintain closeness in your relationship. It may seem like you're not growing / changing at all, but you are... just at a slower pace than you'd like.

Not wanting you to go out with your single friends is a trust issue... See if you can reach an agreement about what you can do to make her feel more secure and what the parameters should be for when you go out with your friends. For example, maybe she's fine if it's just a matter of hanging out at a pub, but wants you to invite her if the plans include a dance club. She needs to be able to trust you and you need to be able to spend time with friends -- Find some common ground here. Keep in mind that there are many ways to maintain friendships and going out at night together is just one of them. Perhaps you scale back on the night life a little, but then invite them to do other things. Maybe she's ok with it if you give her a call at the end of the night. Definitely revisit this to resolve whatever it is that is causing her to get anxious about it... Sounds like she just needs some reassurance.
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